The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The chart comparesThe graphs compare the numbers of six different employment sectorssectores by gender in the Republic of Freedonia in 1975.in 1975 and 1995.
It is noticeable that the number of male employees waswere always higher than that of female workershigher than female workers in the six categories. Furthermore, in terms of publicpubilc sector, both genders recorded the highest numbers in the non-defence categoryin non-defence, but showed the smallest numbers in defence.
Public sector (non-defence) saw thea largest numbers of men and women, at 850,000 and 650,000at 850 and 650, respectively. However, as for public sector (defence), both males and femalesboth male and female recorded the lowest numbers, at approximately 220,000 and 30,000at approximately 210 and 10 respectively.
Wholesale & retail trade showed a small margin between the numbers of men and women, and women illustrated 550, which was 150 less than men (700). A similar disparity of around 300 appeared in manufacturing and finance/banking. In manufacturing, the figureIn manufacturing the figure for men was 650, while that for women was 300. In finance/banking, the number of men stood at roughly 410,000stand at roughly 410, which was 250 higher than that of women (160). By contrast, when it comes to communications, there was a marginal difference between the two gendersthe the two genders, with men registering at 300 and the figure for women standing at nearly 260,000women indicating nearly 260.
Why this response received Band 5.5
文章对1975年各行业及性别的数据进行了清晰且较为准确的描述,并给出了有效的总体趋势概述。然而,文章完全遗漏了题目要求的1995年数据,导致任务完成度受到严重影响,同时存在少量时态和主谓一致等语法错误。建议完整覆盖图表包含的所有时间节点,并加强时态一致性与数据表达的精准度。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
文章提供了清晰的总体概述并准确归纳了1975年的关键数据,但完全遗漏了题目要求的1995年数据对比。
在审题时仔细核对图表包含的所有时间年份,确保对1975年和1995年的数据及动态变化进行完整描述与对比。
连贯与衔接
段落划分合理,恰当使用了逻辑连接词,信息推进较为顺畅。
进一步丰富句间衔接手段,避免过度依赖单向对比连词,提升段落内部的自然过渡。
词汇资源
词汇量足以完成描述并尝试使用了多样表达,但存在少量拼写错误及不恰当的动词搭配。
积累并熟练运用描述图表数据的标准动词搭配,如用 represented 代替 illustrated,同时注意检查拼写。
语法多样性与准确性
句式展现出一定的多样性,但存在时态不一致、主谓不一致以及冠词混用等语法细节错误。
注意描述历史数据时统一使用一般过去时(如将 stand 改为 stood),并加强对单复数和冠词搭配的检查。
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
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