The charts below give information about a public library in a town called Little Chalfont.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The pie chart provides an age breakdown of members at Little ChalfontChalfron Library in the year 2016. The table outlinesoutline loan proportions based on the book categories and the bar chart illustrates the total numberillustrates total number of books borrowed between the yearsbetween years 2007 and 2016.
Overall, the adults aged 18-64 are among the frequent library members, while the smallest fraction of the chart is attributed to the elderlyelderly aged 65 and above.
Children's fiction and adult fiction accounted for 38% eachBoth children and adult fiction accounted for 38% of total loans, which wasis followed by adult non-fiction(13%) and children'sChiildren's non-fiction(6%). Adult books with audio recordings accounted for only 2%reported only 2% of total loans, along with young adult booksthe young adults.Also, DVDs for children representedshowed only 1% of overall loans.
The total number showedTotal number reported slight fluctuationsa slights fluctuage over a nine-year periodin over 9-years period. Loans rose gradually from 15,000 books in 2007 to roughly 22,000 books by the year 2016. After reaching anand intermediate peak of nearly 21,000peak, nearly 21,000 loans in 2011, the number dropped slightlynumber reported a slight drop to 19,000 in 2013 before rebounding to its highest level in 2016.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay effectively covers information from all three visuals, presenting key data points and an identifiable overview. However, minor statistical phrasing inaccuracies and frequent mechanical language errors reduce the clarity and precision of the description. To improve performance, focus on refining grammatical accuracy, correcting typographical mistakes, and providing a more comprehensive overview that summarizes overall trends across all three graphics simultaneously.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key features from each graphic are reported with accurate figures, accompanied by a basic overview of member age groups.
Expand the overview to summarize key overall trends from the bar chart and category table alongside the age data.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure logically mirrors the three charts, maintaining a clear overall progression throughout the text.
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more naturally.
Lexical Resource
Appropriate vocabulary is used to describe proportions and trends, though spelling mistakes and word-choice inaccuracies are noticeable.
Proofread thoroughly to eliminate typographical errors and ensure accurate word forms in complex descriptions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence patterns is attempted, but recurring grammatical errors occur in verb agreement and phrasing.
Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and noun phrase structures to increase grammatical precision.