The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
Sample Response
The pie charts depict the shifts in annual expenditure by a certain UK school in three different times, 981, 1991, and 2001. In general, teachers’ salaries were the highest proportion of annual spending percentage. In contrast, insurance was consistent as the lowest percentage of annual school spending over the times observed.
Looking at the details, in 1981 teacher’s salaries accounted nearly a half, 40% of total school costs and increased significantly in 1991 which accounted exactly a half, 50% and remained the highest spending in 2001 as well, 45%. Meanwhile, other worker’s salaries, references, and furniture and tool fluctuated and amassed big percentage of school disbursement all together, it was about 40% in average.
On the other hand, insurance was the lowest percentage of total school spending overall observed years. It was only 2% of total spending in 1981 and remained the tiniest fraction subsequently in 1991 and 2001, 3% and 8% respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct time noun Original: times Suggested revision: years Why it matters: The charts compare annual data for three specific years.
- 2. Correct first year Original: 981 Suggested revision: 1981 Why it matters: The first pie chart is labelled 1981.
- 3. Fix plural possessive Original: other worker’s salaries Suggested revision: other workers’ salaries Why it matters: The category refers to salaries paid to multiple other workers.
- 4. Use chart category Original: references Suggested revision: resources Why it matters: The pie charts label this category resources, such as books.
- 5. Use chart category Original: tool Suggested revision: equipment Why it matters: The visual category is furniture and equipment.
- 6. Use proportion phrase Original: amassed big percentage Suggested revision: accounted for a large percentage Why it matters: Accounted for a large percentage is the natural way to describe a share.
- 7. Use task term Original: disbursement Suggested revision: expenditure Why it matters: Expenditure is the precise term for the spending shown.
- 8. Fix comma splice Original: all together, it was Suggested revision: altogether; together, these categories represented Why it matters: A semicolon separates the two independent clauses and clarifies the subject of the figure.
- 9. Correct combined average Original: 40 Suggested revision: 51 Why it matters: The three categories total 58%, 47% and 47%, averaging approximately 51%.
- 10. Use fixed preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The standard expression is on average.
- 11. Signal topic shift Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Turning to the final category Why it matters: This phrase introduces insurance as a new category rather than an opposing argument.
- 12. Clarify time range Original: overall observed years Suggested revision: in all three years Why it matters: The replacement supplies the missing preposition and clearly identifies the period.
Suggested Rewrites
- times years
- 981 1981
- other worker’s salaries other workers’ salaries
- references resources
- tool equipment
- amassed big percentage accounted for a large percentage
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response provides a clear overview of the largest and smallest spending categories and reports the teachers' salaries and insurance figures accurately. However, it largely groups the other three categories together, gives an inaccurate approximate average, and therefore misses their contrasting changes across the years. The highest priority is to compare those categories individually, especially the fall in other workers' salaries and the sharp rebound in furniture and equipment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
An accurate overview and correct salary and insurance data are provided, but three categories are merged and their distinct trends are omitted.
Report each remaining category separately, including the fall in other workers' salaries, the changing pattern in resources, and the rise in furniture and equipment by 2001.
Coherence and Cohesion
The three-paragraph structure is easy to follow, though the second body paragraph is overloaded and the final paragraph repeats the overview.
Organise details by meaningful trends, contrasting the three fluctuating categories before presenting insurance briefly.
Lexical Resource
Some appropriate academic vocabulary is used, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise nouns reduce clarity.
Replace phrases such as 'in different times' and 'amassed big percentage' with precise chart-reporting language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple meaning is usually clear, but errors in possessives, articles, prepositions, agreement, and sentence boundaries are frequent.
Use shorter comparative sentences and proofread possessive plurals, percentage structures, and prepositions such as 'on average'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991 and 2001.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.