The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
Sample Response
The given column graph elucidates the unpaid work done by both married men and women having different numbers of children. A cursory glance is adequate to mention that most women, with or without children, have to do the unpaid household works more than men and more children mean more work for women.
As is seen in the given illustration, married females who do not have any child do around 30 hours of unpaid work weekly, while, male from the same category do only 18 hours of such work. Whilst, men who have one or two children spend an equal amount of time for household works as do the males without children, this is in contrast nearly fifty hours for women. In the case of women, who nurture more than three offspring, spend the highest hours on unpaid works -58 hours per week. Men on the other hand, surprisingly do fewer household works with the increase of their child number.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise chart verb Original: elucidates Suggested revision: illustrates Why it matters: “Illustrates” is the natural verb for introducing information in a chart.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: having Suggested revision: with Why it matters: “With” expresses the family categories more naturally and concisely.
- 3. Introduce overview directly Original: A cursory glance is adequate to mention that Suggested revision: Overall, the chart shows that Why it matters: A direct overview marker makes the main pattern clearer.
- 4. Cover all categories Original: most women Suggested revision: women in all three categories Why it matters: The chart shows women doing more unpaid work in every category, not merely most cases.
- 5. Use uncountable work Original: the unpaid household works Suggested revision: unpaid household work Why it matters: “Work” is uncountable when referring generally to household activity.
- 6. Complete the comparison Original: more than men Suggested revision: more unpaid work than men Why it matters: Repeating the compared activity makes the comparison grammatically complete.
- 7. Name the visual accurately Original: given illustration Suggested revision: chart Why it matters: “Chart” identifies the visual more precisely than the generic “illustration.”
- 8. Use plural after any Original: child Suggested revision: children Why it matters: The plural form is required in this general negative construction.
- 9. Fix subject and comma Original: while, male Suggested revision: while men Why it matters: The clause needs a plural subject and no comma after “while.”
- 10. Use category preposition Original: from Suggested revision: in Why it matters: People are described as being “in” a category.
- 11. Match the chart value Original: do only 18 hours Suggested revision: spend about 19 hours Why it matters: The bar is approximately 19 hours, and time is more naturally described with “spend.”
- 12. Set off linking phrase Original: Men on the other hand Suggested revision: Men, on the other hand, Why it matters: The parenthetical linking phrase needs commas on both sides.
Suggested Rewrites
- elucidates illustrates
- having with
- A cursory glance is adequate to mention that Overall, the chart shows that
- most women women in all three categories
- the unpaid household works unpaid household work
- more than men more unpaid work than men
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the central gender pattern and supports it with mostly accurate figures, making the main comparison easy to follow. Its chief limitation is that it does not suggest any reasons for the pattern, despite the task explicitly requesting them, while several awkward grammatical structures weaken precision; the highest-priority improvement is to add a brief, plausible explanation linked to childcare and domestic responsibilities and then proofread sentence structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and mostly accurate comparisons cover the principal patterns, but the requested reasons are entirely omitted.
Add one or two plausible reasons for the gender gap and changing workloads, explicitly linking them to the charted patterns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses from an overview to detailed comparisons, although the single dense detail paragraph and some faulty linking reduce fluency.
Group the child categories into a more controlled comparison and use complete linking structures instead of fragments such as the sentence beginning with 'Whilst'.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the task, but several choices, including 'household works' and 'child number', are unnatural or imprecise.
Prefer precise, natural chart language such as 'unpaid household work', 'number of children', and 'hours spent'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the data, but agreement, article, punctuation, and sentence-structure errors recur.
Check every complex comparison for a complete main clause and correct singular-plural forms, especially 'men', 'children', and uncountable 'work'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.