The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
Sample Response
The given bar graph depicts the average hours of unpaid work done in a week by different categorised people such as married women and men without children, with 1-2 children and with more than 3 children. The first point to note is that men do almost an equal number of hours of work in all three categories.
Men occupied with unpaid works around 18 hours per week in the given groups. On the other hand, women of the given two categories were engaged with 3 fold hours of men’s unpaid work. That is 50 and 55 hours per week by married women with 1-2 children and with more than 3 children respectively. Interestingly, married women without children have done almost half of it that is 30 hours per week.
To sum up, it is clear from the graph that married women were doing more hours of unpaid work compared to married men irrespective of their number of children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use category noun Original: different categorised people Suggested revision: different categories of married people Why it matters: The graph groups married people by family size rather than describing people as categorised.
- 2. Match chart category Original: with more than 3 children. Suggested revision: with three or more children. Why it matters: The chart's final category includes families with exactly three children as well as larger families.
- 3. Clarify stable hours Original: almost an equal number of hours of work Suggested revision: almost the same number of hours of unpaid work Why it matters: This wording states the cross-category comparison more naturally and precisely.
- 4. Use past tense Original: have done Suggested revision: did Why it matters: The graph describes a fixed dataset, so the simple past is appropriate here.
- 5. Clarify comparison Original: almost half of it Suggested revision: about half as much as women with three or more children Why it matters: The original pronoun has no clear numerical referent.
- 6. Add number of Original: average hours Suggested revision: average number of hours Why it matters: Hours is a countable measure and requires number of after average.
- 7. Use weekly phrasing Original: done in a week Suggested revision: done per week Why it matters: Per week is the more concise reporting phrase for this measure.
- 8. Introduce full categories Original: such as married women and men Suggested revision: namely married women and men Why it matters: Namely is appropriate because the response is identifying the complete population groups rather than examples.
- 9. Write number range Original: without children, with 1-2 children Suggested revision: without children, with one or two children Why it matters: Spelling out this short number range is clearer in formal prose.
- 10. Signal overview directly Original: The first point to note is that Suggested revision: Overall, Why it matters: Overall marks the summary statement more directly and concisely.
- 11. Keep past tense Original: do Suggested revision: did Why it matters: The response otherwise reports the fixed chart data in the past tense.
- 12. Use comparison linker Original: Interestingly Suggested revision: By comparison Why it matters: The sentence presents a numerical comparison rather than an inherently surprising fact.
Suggested Rewrites
- different categorised people different categories of married people
- with more than 3 children. with three or more children.
- almost an equal number of hours of work almost the same number of hours of unpaid work
- have done did
- almost half of it about half as much as women with three or more children
- average hours average number of hours
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly identifies the main gender contrast and the near-constant male workload, and it reports most figures accurately. Its central weakness is task fulfilment: no reasons are suggested despite the explicit instruction, and the figure for women with three or more children should be about 60 rather than 55 hours. Add plausible, clearly signposted reasons after completing the numerical comparison, while tightening several awkward grammatical constructions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main gender pattern and most values are covered, but one important figure is inaccurate and the required reasons are entirely omitted.
Correct the final female value to about 60 hours and add concise reasons for the widening gender gap as child numbers rise.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overview, detail paragraph, and conclusion, with straightforward progression despite some mechanical linking.
Group the numerical comparison and the requested explanation into distinct, logically connected parts without repeating the overview in the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing categories and comparisons, but several collocations such as "occupied with unpaid works" are unnatural.
Use precise phrases such as "spent on unpaid work", "three times as many hours", and "households with three or more children".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are attempted, but agreement, tense, countability, and sentence-structure errors recur.
Control verb forms and count nouns, especially in phrases describing how many hours each group spends on unpaid work.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.