The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
Sample Response
The graph shows data between married men and women of the number of hours spent per week on unpaid work. At first glance at the chart, it is noticeable that from all the three categories (without children, with 1-2 children and with 3 or more children), married women spend more hours involved in unpaid work such as housework, gardening and childcare than expected from men.
Married women with children spend more time than without children as the chart shows while having more than three children have invested around 60 hours of unpaid work. This is probably due to the extra load of housework and childcare that is evidently needed to run such a big family.
Furthermore, though there are visible variations of the number of hours of unpaid work carried out by married women, there is no significant variation among all three categories for married men in terms of work hours that are not paid (30 or fewer hours). In fact, it is observed that married men with three or more children spent slightly less number of unpaid work hours. This might be due to the high requirement of commitment needed for a paid job to meet financial requirements for a big family.
In conclusion, married women with three or more children spent the highest number of hours, yet married women from all categories spent a dramatically higher number of hours for unpaid work than married men.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove repetition Original: At first glance at the chart Suggested revision: At first glance Why it matters: The shorter phrase avoids repeating the reference to the chart.
- 2. Correct preposition Original: from all the three categories Suggested revision: in all three categories Why it matters: Use “in” to refer to the categories and omit the unnecessary article.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: spend more hours involved in unpaid work Suggested revision: spend more hours on unpaid work Why it matters: People spend time on an activity rather than spend hours involved in it.
- 4. Complete comparison Original: than expected from men Suggested revision: than men do Why it matters: The comparison needs a grammatical counterpart for women’s spending of time.
- 5. Avoid unsupported emphasis Original: evidently needed Suggested revision: needed Why it matters: “Evidently” overstates a reason that the writer presents as a probability.
- 6. Use formal wording Original: such a big family Suggested revision: a large family Why it matters: “Large family” is the more appropriate formal expression here.
- 7. Correct preposition Original: of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The standard construction is “variations in” a quantity.
- 8. Use concise term Original: work hours that are not paid Suggested revision: unpaid work hours Why it matters: This concise phrase expresses the same meaning more naturally.
- 9. Report accurate range Original: (30 or fewer hours) Suggested revision: (about 17–18 hours) Why it matters: The chart shows the three male figures clustered at approximately 17 to 18 hours.
- 10. Use fewer correctly Original: spent slightly less number of unpaid work hours Suggested revision: spent slightly fewer hours on unpaid work Why it matters: Use “fewer” with the countable noun “hours” and the collocation “hours on work.”
- 11. Improve collocation Original: high requirement of commitment Suggested revision: greater commitment Why it matters: “Greater commitment” is a natural and concise noun phrase.
- 12. Use precise wording Original: meet financial requirements for a big family Suggested revision: meet the financial needs of a large family Why it matters: This replacement uses more natural collocations for family finances.
Suggested Rewrites
- At first glance at the chart At first glance
- from all the three categories in all three categories
- spend more hours involved in unpaid work spend more hours on unpaid work
- than expected from men than men do
- evidently needed needed
- such a big family a large family
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overall comparison and sensibly explains why unpaid work rises for women as family size increases. Its main weakness is imprecise selection of figures, especially describing men's totals only as below 30 and giving little numerical support for the first two female groups. Prioritise exact comparisons from the chart while retaining the concise overview and plausible reasons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview, the main gender contrast, the female trend and plausible reasons are presented, but several categories lack precise figures.
Report the approximately 30, 50 and 60 hours for women and the roughly 18-19 hours for men to support the comparisons accurately.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the overview to female and male patterns, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Avoid repeating the overview in the conclusion and make the transition within the second paragraph more direct.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the task, though several collocations such as "invested hours" and "requirement of commitment" are unnatural.
Use precise combinations such as "spent hours," "unpaid workload" and "greater financial responsibility."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the comparisons clearly, but recurring errors affect phrasing and clause control.
Improve comparative structures and subject-verb control, especially in the sentence describing women with three or more children.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.) Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.