You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter: - explain why you took the job - describe the problems that you experienced - suggest what could be done about them
Sample Response
Dear Mr Karim, I am writing to raise my concern about some specific problems with respect to my current job. I have been doing a part-time job as a Software Architect in your company for the last two months and have two specific problems which impeded me to work properly. I am hoping you would intervene and resolved these problems. I really like my job and looking forward to working for your company and contribute with my best effort. But sadly, I can not access the Internet and had been restricted to use the office intranet. Frankly speaking, I have never faced it in another company. I completely understand all the securities and policies, but in fact, employees often struggle with different problems during developing new discrete and concrete components in SOA patterns and Googling is the best way to get help and resources. Therefore, I sincerely ask you to allow us to access the Internet. Moreover, I was informed to help the User Interface (UI) team swiftly accomplish their job a few weeks ago. But my current seat arrangement is quite inconvenient to interact with the UI team members as they are on a different floor. Hence, I would appreciate it if you put my seat near the UI development team immediately. I beg your pardon for pointing out issues which sound more like complaints. My sincere apology for that and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Ali Khan
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural concerns Original: raise my concern Suggested revision: raise my concerns Why it matters: The letter discusses two separate problems, so the plural form is more accurate.
- 2. Use direct wording Original: with respect to my current job Suggested revision: about my current position Why it matters: This phrasing states the subject more directly and naturally.
- 3. Correct job collocation Original: doing a part-time job Suggested revision: working part-time Why it matters: English normally uses 'work part-time' rather than 'do a job' in this context.
- 4. Lowercase job title Original: as a Software Architect Suggested revision: as a software architect Why it matters: A generic job title is normally lowercase when it does not precede a name.
- 5. Choose precise verb Original: have two specific problems Suggested revision: have encountered two specific problems Why it matters: 'Encountered' more precisely describes problems experienced during the job.
- 6. Fix verb pattern Original: which impeded me to work properly Suggested revision: that prevent me from working effectively Why it matters: 'Prevent someone from doing' is the correct pattern, and the present tense matches ongoing problems.
- 7. Match verb forms Original: intervene and resolved Suggested revision: intervene and resolve Why it matters: Both verbs after 'would' must remain in the base form.
- 8. Add missing auxiliary Original: looking forward to working Suggested revision: am looking forward to working Why it matters: The coordinated clause needs the auxiliary 'am' with 'looking'.
- 9. Fix contribution phrase Original: contribute with my best effort Suggested revision: contributing my best efforts Why it matters: This form is grammatically parallel with 'working' and uses a natural collocation.
- 10. Join modal negative Original: can not Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: The standard spelling of this modal negative is one word.
- 11. Use present perfect Original: had been restricted Suggested revision: have been restricted Why it matters: The restriction began recently and remains relevant, so the present perfect is appropriate.
- 12. Use security collocation Original: all the securities and policies Suggested revision: all the security policies Why it matters: 'Security' is uncountable here and naturally modifies 'policies'.
Suggested Rewrites
- raise my concern raise my concerns
- with respect to my current job about my current position
- doing a part-time job working part-time
- as a Software Architect as a software architect
- have two specific problems have encountered two specific problems
- which impeded me to work properly that prevent me from working effectively
Why this response received Band 6.0
The letter's strongest feature is its clear description of two workplace problems and practical requests for resolving them, supported by relevant technical context. However, it never clearly explains why the job was taken, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to address the missing first bullet directly, then edit verb forms and awkward phrases so the professional message reads more fluently.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear and both problems receive relevant solutions, but the reason for taking the job is not actually explained.
Add a direct, developed reason for accepting the part-time position so all three bullet points are covered.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas progress logically through the two problems, although the single undivided paragraph and some mechanical linking reduce clarity.
Separate the opening, each problem-and-solution pair, and the closing into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The letter uses a good range of workplace and technical vocabulary, but several collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Replace phrases such as impeded me to work and all the securities with natural workplace English.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the message, but recurring verb-form, agreement, and clause errors weaken control.
Proofread coordinated verb phrases and tense choices, especially constructions such as would intervene and resolved.
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