You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks, you realised there were some problems with the job. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter: explain why you took the job describe the problems that you experienced suggest what could be done about them
Sample Response
Dear Mr Harris, I am a part-time call centre operator at your company, started working about 4 weeks ago. I am writing to indicate some of the problems I encountered during my work. I am hoping that you would investigate these issues and resolve them. I decided to take the position of telesales specialist because I want to develop a career in the digital sales industry. Besides, it offers flexible timing and does not contradict my class schedule. However, I realised there are some obstacles that need your intervention. The problems started almost a fortnight ago when the system administrator updated my computer's operating system. A few days ago, while I was querying a customer for her personal data, my computer restarted and this person’s profile was lost. This occurred several times afterwards. I asked the system administrator to solve it, but he did nothing about it! The software that manages our calls often deliver far more calls per hour than we can handle. The person in charge did not listen to our request and asked us to contact you. I believe that the system administrator should be show caused due to his negligence and the call-flow should be rational. More calls demotivate us do not mean more sales. Sincerely yours, Ben Flip
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fragment repair Original: I am a part-time call centre operator at your company, started working about 4 weeks ago. Suggested revision: I am a part-time call centre operator at your company and started working about four weeks ago. Why it matters: The second clause needs a subject connection to make the sentence grammatical.
- 2. Natural purpose Original: indicate some of the problems Suggested revision: raise some of the problems Why it matters: “Raise problems” is a more natural collocation in a workplace complaint.
- 3. Modal choice Original: I am hoping that you would Suggested revision: I hope that you will Why it matters: “Will” fits a direct request better than “would” here.
- 4. Tense consistency Original: because I want to develop Suggested revision: because I wanted to develop Why it matters: Use past tense to explain the original reason for taking the job.
- 5. Wrong collocation Original: does not contradict my class schedule Suggested revision: fits around my class schedule Why it matters: A job schedule does not “contradict” classes; it either fits or conflicts with them.
- 6. Clear transition Original: However, I realised Suggested revision: After starting, however, I realised Why it matters: This makes the contrast between the expected benefits and the actual problems clearer.
- 7. Comma before and Original: my computer restarted and this person’s profile was lost Suggested revision: my computer restarted, and this person’s profile was lost Why it matters: A comma helps separate the two independent clauses.
- 8. Professional tone Original: he did nothing about it! Suggested revision: he has not yet resolved it Why it matters: The exclamation mark and blunt wording are less suitable for a formal letter to a manager.
- 9. Subject agreement Original: often deliver far more calls Suggested revision: often delivers far more calls Why it matters: The subject “software” is singular, so the verb should be “delivers”.
- 10. Passive form Original: should be show caused Suggested revision: should be asked to explain his negligence Why it matters: “Show caused” is not a standard passive form in this context.
- 11. Unnatural phrase Original: the call-flow should be rational Suggested revision: the call flow should be adjusted to a realistic level Why it matters: This is a clearer and more natural recommendation.
- 12. Clause structure Original: More calls demotivate us do not mean more sales. Suggested revision: More calls demotivate us and do not necessarily mean more sales. Why it matters: The sentence needs a conjunction and clearer phrasing.
Suggested Rewrites
- I am a part-time call centre operator at your company, started working about 4 weeks ago. I am a part-time call centre operator at your company and started working about four weeks ago.
- indicate some of the problems raise some of the problems
- I am hoping that you would I hope that you will
- because I want to develop because I wanted to develop
- does not contradict my class schedule fits around my class schedule
- However, I realised After starting, however, I realised
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The letter fully addresses the purpose: it explains why the job was taken, describes two relevant workplace problems, and suggests solutions. The suggestions are clear but sometimes too blunt or imprecise for a manager.
Keep the specific evidence about the computer and call-flow problems, but phrase the requested action as practical managerial recommendations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from introduction to reasons, problems, and proposed remedies. Paragraphing is absent, and some links such as “Besides” and “However” are mechanical, so the reader has to work through a dense block.
Use separate paragraphs for reason for taking the job, technical problems, call-volume problems, and suggested actions.
Lexical Resource
Workplace vocabulary is adequate and sometimes precise, such as “telesales specialist” and “system administrator”. Some collocations and word forms are inaccurate, including “contradict my class schedule”, “show caused”, and “call-flow should be rational”.
Use natural business phrases such as “fit around my class schedule”, “be asked to explain”, and “call volume should be adjusted”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but grammatical accuracy is uneven. Errors occur in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, passive forms, and missing conjunctions.
Check each clause for a clear subject and verb, especially in the opening sentence and the final recommendation sentence.