A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Animals have always been used by humans in some form to satisfy their needs. However, while some people believe that animals should be treated in the same way humans are and have similar rights, others think that it is more important to use them as we desire for food and medical research.
With regard to the exploitation of animals, people believe it is acceptable for several reasons. Firstly, they think that humans are the most important beings on the planet, and everything must be done to ensure human survival. If this means experimenting on animals so that we can fight and find cures for diseases, then this takes priority over animal suffering. Furthermore, it is believed by some that animals do not feel pain or loss as humans do, so if we have to kill animals for food or other uses, then this is morally acceptable.
However, I do not believe these arguments stand up to scrutiny. To begin, it has been shown on numerous occasions by secret filming in laboratories via animal rights groups that animals feel as much pain as humans do, and they suffer when they are kept in cages for long periods. In addition, a substantial amount of animal research is done for cosmetics, not to find cures for diseases, so this is unnecessary. Finally, it has also been proven that humans can get all the nutrients and vitamins that they need from green vegetables and fruit. Therefore, again, having to kill animals for food is not an adequate argument.
To sum up, although some people argue killing animals for research and food is ethical, I would argue there is sufficient evidence to demonstrate that this is not the case, and, therefore, steps must be taken to improve the rights of animals.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add comparison marker Original: treated in the same way humans are Suggested revision: treated in the same way as humans Why it matters: The comparison requires “as” before the noun phrase.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: use them as we desire Suggested revision: use them as we see fit Why it matters: This idiomatic phrase expresses unrestricted human use more naturally.
- 3. Improve verb pairing Original: fight and find cures for diseases Suggested revision: fight diseases and find cures for them Why it matters: The revision gives each verb a natural and unambiguous object.
- 4. Clarify experience Original: feel pain or loss as humans do Suggested revision: experience pain or loss in the same way as humans Why it matters: “Experience” collocates more naturally with both pain and loss.
- 5. Use academic verb Original: done Suggested revision: conducted Why it matters: Research is conventionally described as being conducted.
- 6. Clarify reference Original: so this is unnecessary Suggested revision: so such research is unnecessary Why it matters: Naming the referent removes ambiguity from “this”.
- 7. Express claim precisely Original: having to kill animals for food is not an adequate argument Suggested revision: the argument that animals must be killed for food is not convincing Why it matters: The original wording mistakenly describes the act of killing as an argument.
- 8. Add reporting conjunction Original: some people argue killing animals Suggested revision: some people argue that killing animals Why it matters: “Argue” needs a that-clause before this proposition.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: To begin, it has been shown on numerous occasions by secret filming in laboratories via animal rights groups that animals feel as much pain as humans do, and they suffer when they are kept in cages for long periods. Suggested revision: To begin, secret footage recorded in laboratories by animal rights groups has repeatedly shown that animals feel pain and suffer when kept in cages for long periods. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward passive construction and clarifies who produced the footage.
- 10. Clarify internal progression Suggested revision: Use clearer internal signposting to distinguish the human-survival argument from the separate claim about animals’ capacity to suffer. Why it matters: The paragraph moves between two different justifications without clearly marking the shift.
Suggested Rewrites
- treated in the same way humans are treated in the same way as humans
- use them as we desire use them as we see fit
- fight and find cures for diseases fight diseases and find cures for them
- feel pain or loss as humans do experience pain or loss in the same way as humans
- done conducted
- so this is unnecessary so such research is unnecessary
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear position and well-organised treatment of both perspectives, with relevant reasons supporting the case against animal exploitation. Its main limitation is that several claims are asserted too broadly and the idea of animals having the same rights as humans is not explored in much depth; prioritise more nuanced reasoning and specific support for the central rights comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are directly addressed through relevant, substantially developed arguments.
Develop the precise question of equal rights more explicitly and qualify broad factual claims with stronger support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly.
Refine a few transitions so that rebuttals connect even more precisely to the specific claims they challenge.
Lexical Resource
A broad and generally precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, despite a few awkward collocations.
Replace imprecise combinations such as fighting cures or evidence shown via groups with more idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with only occasional non-impeding errors.
Polish minor comparison and complement patterns, particularly structures such as treated as humans are and argue that.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.