A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The animal is one of the living things, like the human. Some people believe that animals should be kept and treated well because they have the same rights as the human. Other people think that animal should be used for food, clothes, education, and research purposes. From my point of view, animals bring many advantages to the human life. But it does not mean human can treat them badly and even do exploitation. As God creature, animals live and they have the same feelings like humans do, like pain, suffering, frustration, happiness, etc. People who advocate animal rights think that animals are equal as the human, so they deserve the same treatment. People must not use animals for their necessity. For instance, using animals for experiments, using them for the entertainment business, killing them for foods or making clothes and many others is inhuman. These activities not only hurt the animals but also may destroy the balance of nature. In this case, people with this point of view believe that exploitation and violence in animals are cruel behaviour. In contrast, some people argue that animals are created to fulfil human needs. They have a lot of benefits for human life. Firstly, animals can be used for education. Many scientists utilise animals for their research, like biology or medical study. It can really help people to enrich their knowledge about the earth phenomena and also to find new medications for helping the humans. Secondly, animals are really important as food sources. They can provide human nutrition. For example, fishes, crabs, lobsters, and meats are containing protein which is needed for human health. In conclusion, I believe that animals give many benefits for humans. They can help improving human life, especially provide food. However, people should treat them in good ways. I agree that animals deserve to be treated well but it does not mean that they must be treated as equal as humans.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. General plural Original: The animal is Suggested revision: Animals are Why it matters: Use the plural form for animals in general.
- 2. General plural Original: like the human Suggested revision: like humans Why it matters: Humans in general should be plural.
- 3. Plural noun Original: the same rights as the human Suggested revision: the same rights as humans Why it matters: The comparison is with humans as a group.
- 4. Plural subject Original: animal should be used Suggested revision: animals should be used Why it matters: The sentence refers to animals generally.
- 5. Article use Original: the human life Suggested revision: human life Why it matters: No article is needed for this general phrase.
- 6. Plural subject Original: human can treat them badly Suggested revision: humans can treat them badly Why it matters: Use humans for people in general.
- 7. Collocation Original: do exploitation Suggested revision: exploit them Why it matters: Exploit is the natural verb; do exploitation is not idiomatic.
- 8. Possessive form Original: As God creature Suggested revision: As God's creatures Why it matters: The phrase needs a possessive form and plural noun.
- 9. Comparison phrase Original: same feelings like humans do Suggested revision: feelings similar to those of humans Why it matters: This is more formal and precise.
- 10. Comparison form Original: equal as the human Suggested revision: equal to humans Why it matters: Equal is followed by to.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: their necessity Suggested revision: their own needs Why it matters: Needs is more natural than necessity here.
- 12. Uncountable noun Original: killing them for foods Suggested revision: killing them for food Why it matters: Food is usually uncountable in this general use.
Suggested Rewrites
- The animal is Animals are
- like the human like humans
- the same rights as the human the same rights as humans
- animal should be used animals should be used
- the human life human life
- human can treat them badly humans can treat them badly
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response discusses both animal-rights and human-use views and gives a clear opinion that animals should be used but treated well. Development is relevant but sometimes general.
Give clearer limits on acceptable animal use, such as humane farming, medical research only when necessary, and bans on entertainment cruelty.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas are in a logical order, but the essay is one paragraph and relies heavily on simple listing linkers.
Separate the two views and your opinion into distinct paragraphs with topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant and sometimes effective, such as exploitation, violence, research purposes, and nutrition, but there are many inaccurate collocations and plural errors.
Use natural phrases such as living creatures, human needs, animal welfare, food sources, and medical research.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but errors in articles, plurals, subject-verb agreement, and verb patterns are frequent.
Check general plural nouns and verb patterns after help, mean, use, and contain.