A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
In this century, there are a countless number of people that are showing interest in what concerne animals rights, therefore it is becoming an actual and argued topic.
People are starting to look disapprovingly all situations and events with animal exploitation. Infact, circus for example, has lost its popularity and the audience prefer human performances.
Moreover, animal rights have become part of the law and animal’s abuse is punished with fees and occasionally with prison.
Further more, also the animal breeding has been observed and people are realizing that the killing and the slaughter of animals is cruelly done. It is important to realize that people of new generations are developing a new sensibility concerning this issue, but currently it is emerging a new exstremist thought.
Despite the huge number of vegeterian people (which the majority of them are following a new fashion), there are also people with distorted views.
The area that worry me most regards the animal research which allows considerable and important improvements in the medical research, therefore in human walfare. The animalist group are spreading wrong information, directly demaging the research sector. As an illustration, few months ago an animalist group destroyed years and years of neurological research freeing rats used in a laboratory, because they would have been cruelly treated. Unfortunately this animalists did not know that for each treatment was used anesthesia.
Given these points, I defend animal rights and I do not support any form of animal exploitation, nevertheless I do not support any exetremist thought especially concerning medical research.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove determiner error Original: a countless number of Suggested revision: countless Why it matters: 'Countless' already expresses a large indefinite number and does not take 'a'.
- 2. Use human relative pronoun Original: that Suggested revision: who Why it matters: 'Who' is the natural relative pronoun for people.
- 3. Correct the topic phrase Original: what concerne animals rights Suggested revision: animal rights Why it matters: The original phrase is malformed and uses the possessive noun incorrectly.
- 4. Use precise collocation Original: an actual and argued topic Suggested revision: a current and contentious topic Why it matters: 'Current and contentious' accurately describes a present subject of debate.
- 5. Add required preposition Original: look disapprovingly all situations Suggested revision: look disapprovingly at all situations Why it matters: The verb phrase 'look disapprovingly' requires 'at' before its object.
- 6. Fix relative clause Original: which the majority of them are following a new fashion Suggested revision: most of whom are following a new trend Why it matters: 'Most of whom' correctly refers back to the people without repeating the pronoun.
- 7. Fix subject agreement Original: the audience prefer Suggested revision: audiences prefer Why it matters: The plural noun agrees naturally with 'prefer' in this general statement.
- 8. Remove wrong possessive Original: animal’s Suggested revision: animal Why it matters: 'Animal' functions as an attributive noun here, so no possessive apostrophe is needed.
- 9. Use legal term Original: fees Suggested revision: fines Why it matters: A monetary legal penalty is a 'fine', not a 'fee'.
- 10. Remove redundant linker Original: also the animal breeding Suggested revision: animal breeding Why it matters: The paragraph already begins with a linking phrase, so 'also' is redundant here.
- 11. Remove redundant wording Original: the killing and the slaughter of animals Suggested revision: the slaughter of animals Why it matters: 'Killing' repeats the meaning already expressed by 'slaughter'.
- 12. Use natural passive Original: is cruelly done Suggested revision: is carried out cruelly Why it matters: 'Carried out' forms a natural passive expression for how an action is performed.
Suggested Rewrites
- a countless number of countless
- that who
- what concerne animals rights animal rights
- an actual and argued topic a current and contentious topic
- look disapprovingly all situations look disapprovingly at all situations
- which the majority of them are following a new fashion most of whom are following a new trend
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response shows awareness of the ethical debate and offers a relevant medical-research example, with a final position that attempts to distinguish animal protection from extremism. However, the two views are unevenly developed, the position remains partly contradictory, and frequent language errors strain clarity. The priority is to state a precise opinion early, build one focused paragraph for each view, and edit sentences for basic grammatical accuracy and conventional word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses animal protection and medical research and gives an opinion, but the opposing view and the role of animals for food remain underdeveloped.
Explain each view directly, including food and research uses, then clarify exactly which forms of animal use the final position accepts.
Coherence and Cohesion
A general line of thought is discernible, but excessive short paragraphs, mechanical connectors, and loosely linked claims weaken progression.
Use an introduction, two developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph organised around one clear central claim.
Lexical Resource
There is some topic-specific range, including terms related to exploitation and medical research, but frequent spelling, formation, and collocation errors reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate use of familiar vocabulary and systematically correct recurring forms such as concerned, extremist, vegetarian, welfare, and damaging.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, prepositions, clause structure, and punctuation sometimes make meaning difficult to follow.
Build shorter complete sentences first, checking each for a clear subject and verb before combining ideas with accurately controlled clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
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