A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
There have been lots of debates about animal rights in different societies over last decade and sometimes we watch or hear from media that a group of people are protesting in each corner of the world to protect animal rights. However, this group believes that animals should not be endangered by humans, while some others point that human needs are more important and people should be allowed to use animals for their different purposes. Therefore, this essay has tried to cover both of mentioned views and would suggest a good way to solve the issue.
According to most of the history documents, the human has employed animals to have a better life from the time that civilisation has come to existence. In fact, the skin of animals has been considered as the first material for clothing industry and human has used the meat of them as a delicious food. These days, people spend money for these purposes and in addition scientists conduct most of their biology experiments on animals to find cures for illnesses.
Some people worry about the mentioned trend as many animals’ species have been extinct because of exploiting them by the human. Actually, they believe that the God has created animals to live and human shouldn’t kill them or destroys their life places for his needs. So, if no step is taken for this situation, our planet has no place for animals and we just can see animals in zoos which will be another way of employing animals by the human.
By contrast, some other argues that the God has created animals for human better life and it is inevitable that people use animals for their targets. In other words, it is such a life law that always the stronger kill the weaker for continuing the life and in the forest, wild animals kill other for food as human do it for his purposes. Therefore, human should exploit animals for food, clothes and to develop the science and no other way can be taken.
I think, therefore, this occasion is such a sophisticated issue and both of views are concerning one aspect of human and animal rights. But perhaps, the realistic solution is balancing human behaviour about animals. Put another way, human should try to replace other ways instead of exploiting animals, however; it is not possible to eliminate the role of employing animals in human life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article missing Original: over last decade Suggested revision: over the last decade Why it matters: Use "the" in this time phrase.
- 2. Natural wording Original: from media Suggested revision: in the media Why it matters: This is the common phrase.
- 3. Natural phrase Original: in each corner of the world Suggested revision: around the world Why it matters: This is more idiomatic.
- 4. Verb pattern Original: point that Suggested revision: argue that Why it matters: Use "argue that" for presenting a view.
- 5. Article/determiner error Original: both of mentioned views Suggested revision: both of the mentioned views Why it matters: The phrase needs "the".
- 6. Noun phrase Original: history documents Suggested revision: historical documents Why it matters: Use the adjective form.
- 7. General noun Original: the human has employed Suggested revision: humans have used Why it matters: Use plural "humans" for people in general.
- 8. Collocation Original: come to existence Suggested revision: come into existence Why it matters: Use the fixed expression.
- 9. Article missing Original: for clothing industry Suggested revision: for the clothing industry Why it matters: Use "the" before this industry noun.
- 10. Noun form Original: many animals’ species Suggested revision: many animal species Why it matters: Use "animal" as an attributive noun.
- 11. Verb and word choice Original: destroys their life places Suggested revision: destroy their habitats Why it matters: Use plural agreement and the correct noun.
- 12. Agreement error Original: some other argues Suggested revision: some others argue Why it matters: Use plural subject and verb agreement.
Suggested Rewrites
- over last decade over the last decade
- from media in the media
- in each corner of the world around the world
- point that argue that
- both of mentioned views both of the mentioned views
- history documents historical documents
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay covers both views and offers a balanced opinion, but some discussion is repetitive and the opinion could be stated more directly.
State your own view earlier and use the body paragraphs to compare necessity with ethical limits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, but the second and fourth paragraphs overlap, and some transitions are mechanical.
Avoid repeating the same pro-use argument and make each paragraph serve a distinct purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant and sometimes ambitious, but there are several unnatural phrases and inaccurate collocations.
Use precise terms such as "animal welfare", "medical research", "food production", and "ethical limits".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors with articles, subject-verb agreement, and noun forms reduce accuracy, though the message remains understandable.
Check singular/plural nouns and article use in every sentence.