Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people have freedom to choose sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In an era when people pay more attention to doing exerciseto the doing exercise, the question of whether dangerous sports should be prohibited or not has sparked an intense debate. A large proportion of people maintain that it is so dangerous that they should be entirely bannedthat should be entirely banned, whereas opponents contend that people have freedom to choose sports activities according to their wisheswills. These two opposite viewpoints will be further analyzed before presenting my own perspective. It is reasonable tofor prevent people from doing dangerous sports such as sky diving. FirstlyInitially, due to the lack of supervision of such sports, people’s safetysecurity cannot be ensured. For example, the equipment used in dangerous sports may be outdated or worn, which makes it difficult to protect people. More importantly, a large number of people who get injured or even die from dangerous sports are prone to impose a heavy burden on social medical systems, since hospitals need to utilize limited medical resources to treat such patientscure such people. Thus, individuals suffer from other illnesses are hard to get proper treatment. In addition, if people choose dangerous sports, it is their own duty to bear the responsibility of injuries or death. It is unfair to waste public resources since they are the direct beneficiariesbeneficiary of the dangerous sports. Nonetheless, dangerous sports can bring certain benefits to both individuals and society. To begin with, extreme sports can offer special pleasurepleasant for people who want to pursue exciting activities, which serves as an essential outlet for relieving stressreleasing their pressure. Furthermore, the development of dangerous sports can create more job opportunities. There is no denying that organizations that hold extreme sports need to recruit employees to protect the safety of participants. Also, participantsattenders should pay for the entrance fees if they want to take part.take part in. Therefore, more occupations are generated and the local economylocal economy can be boosted to some extent. From my perspective, since dangerous sports have both merits and demerits, it is impossible for governments to prohibit themgovernments prohibit them completely. It is advisable for governments to introduce regulations that regulateformulate the management of dangerous sports, promoting their safety.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt with well-developed arguments for both sides and a clear personal conclusion. The logical organization and strong structure support the essay's progression well. To achieve a higher score, focus on eliminating grammatical inaccuracies in complex sentence structures and refining vocabulary choices to avoid awkward expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and thoroughly discusses both views required by the prompt.
Ensure all supporting points directly relate to the specific arguments surrounding personal freedom and safety concerns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing and appropriate transition signals across main ideas.
Vary cohesive devices slightly more to avoid relying on repetitive formulaic ordering words.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary is used, though occasional word form and collocation errors are present.
Focus on precise word forms and natural phrase combinations, such as replacing 'special pleasant' with 'pleasure'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts complex sentence structures, but structural mistakes and prepositional errors occur regularly.
Review complex clause structures and infinitives to ensure grammatical accuracy across longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people have freedom to choose sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.