Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people have freedom to choose sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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Sample Response
In the era that people's awareness of concentrating on doing sports has becomebecame more and more universal. The question of whether people should participate in sportsattend some sports with high risks has sparked an intense debate. Before presenting my own opinion, twomy own opinion two opposite views will be further analyzed.
Initially, there is noon denying that dangerous sports actually bring a few positive benefitspostive feedbacks to some peoplea part of people who really need some extremely exciting ways to seek a sense of achievementsearch for some feelings of achivements. In order to realise their personal aims, they need to spend more energy and time on trainingtimes in training and exercise, which could help them build a strongermore strong body and strengthen their immune system. What's more, more and more related infrastructures will be added to satisfy their increasing needs. MeanwhileAt the meanwhile, there are more opportunities for those who need jobs to surviveservive and support their family.
When it comes to the reasons why people ought to baninhibit some dangerous sports are that some dangerous sports have super high potential risks because of a lack of safety guaranteesbecause the lack of security guarantee. In addition, the people who prefer doing some dangerous sports just seek personal excitementseek for personal excitements without providing any benefits to societyadvantages to the society, while they will get injured more easily, thus it would cause more pressure on the medical systempressure to medical system and wastemake a waste of precious public resources.
In conclusion, we ought to prohibit some sports that cannot offersome sports can’t offer benefits to the society because of those people’s selfishnessbecause those people’s selfishness. However, the other dangerous sports that can be done underat the supervision of officials and regular associations could be accepted.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay addresses both perspectives of the prompt effectively and offers a nuanced personal opinion on regulating extreme sports. However, frequent grammatical mistakes and fragment structures detract from the overall clarity and precision of the response. Focusing on refining grammatical accuracy and correcting basic word choices will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both sides of the issue and offering a clear personal perspective.
Ensure that the body paragraphs directly align with the core prompt concepts, explicitly tying benefits to individual freedom of choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear four-paragraph structure with logical progression, though some cohesive phrases are awkwardly constructed.
Refine transitional expressions to ensure smoother connections between clauses and sentences.
Lexical Resource
The candidate demonstrates a good attempt at topic-specific vocabulary, but occasional spelling mistakes and inaccurate word choices are present.
Review word collocations and carefully proofread to correct spelling errors in key terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures is attempted, but frequent grammatical errors and incomplete clause structures affect accuracy.
Work on eliminating sentence fragments and mastering standard verb forms, prepositions, and comparative structures.