Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people have freedom to choose sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In an era when people pay more attention to doing exercise, the question of whether dangerous sports should be prohibited or not has sparked an intense debate. A large proportion of people maintain that these sports are so dangerous that theyit is so dangerous that it should be entirely banned, whereas opponents contend that people have the freedomhave freedom to choose sports activities according to their will. These two opposite viewpoints will be further analyzed before presenting my own perspective.
It is reasonable to prevent people from doing dangerous sports such as sky diving. First and foremost,Initially, due to the lack of supervision of such sports, people's safetypeople’s security cannot be ensured. For example, the equipment used in dangerous sports may be outdated or worn, which makes it difficult to protect people. More importantly, a large number of people who get injured or even die from dangerous sports are prone to impose a heavy burden on public healthcare systemssocial medical systems, since hospitals need to utilize limited medical resources to treat such patientscure such people. Thus, individuals suffering from other illnesses may find it hard to get proper treatmentare hard to get proper treatment. In addition, if people choose dangerous sports, it is their own duty to bear the responsibility of injuries or death. It is unfair to waste public resources since they are the direct beneficiariesbeneficiary of the dangerous sports.
Nonetheless, dangerous sports can bring certain benefits to both individuals and society. To begin with, extreme sports can offer a unique thrillspecial pleasure for people who want to pursue exciting activities, which serves as an essential outlet for relieving their stressreleasing their pressure. Furthermore, the development of dangerous sports can create more job opportunities. There is no denying that organizations that host extreme sporting eventsorganizations that hold extreme sports need to recruit employees to ensureprotect the safety of participants. Also, attendees should pay for the entrance fees if they want to participate.entrance fees if they want to take part in. Therefore, more jobs are createdoccupations are generated and the local economylocal economy can be boosted to some extent.
From my perspective, since dangerous sports have both merits and demerits, it is impossible for governments to prohibit them completely. It is advisable for governments to introduce regulations that formulate rules for the management of dangerous sports, promoting their safety.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay effectively discusses both sides of the debate surrounding dangerous sports and presents a well-reasoned stance focused on regulation rather than outright prohibition. To raise the essay to a higher band, make your personal stance evident earlier in the introduction and refine occasional awkward word choices and grammatical structures. Prioritize strengthening the link between personal freedom and the arguments presented in favor of extreme sports.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You addressed both viewpoints and provided a clear personal opinion in the conclusion, backed by relevant supporting points.
Introduce your personal opinion briefly in the introductory paragraph to establish a clear position throughout the entire essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into clear paragraphs with appropriate linking words that guide the reader smoothly.
Vary your transition phrases slightly to avoid reliance on standard mechanical connectors like 'Initially' and 'To begin with'.
Lexical Resource
You demonstrated a strong vocabulary range with topic-specific terms such as 'medical resources', 'direct beneficiary', and 'demerits'.
Refine subtle phrasing errors, such as changing 'are hard to get' to 'struggle to receive', to improve natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of simple and complex sentence structures is used with a generally high level of grammatical accuracy.
Ensure consistent pronoun-antecedent agreement, such as matching plural nouns like 'sports' with plural pronouns rather than 'it'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people have freedom to choose sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.