Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people have freedom to choose sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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Sample Response
In an era when people pay more attention to physicaldoing exercise, the question of whether dangerous sports should be prohibited or not has sparked an intense debate. A large proportion of people maintain that they are so dangerous that theythat it is so dangerous that it should be entirely banned, whereas opponents contend that people have freedom to choose sports activities of their own free willaccording to their will. These two opposite viewpoints will be further analyzed before presenting my own perspective. It is reasonable to prevent people from participating in dangerous sportsdoing dangerous sports such as sky diving. Initially, due to the lack of supervision of such sports, participants' safetypeople’s security cannot be ensured. For example, the equipment used in dangerous sports may be outdated or worn, which makes it difficult to protect people. More importantly, a large number of people who get injured or even die from dangerous sports inevitably imposeare prone to impose a heavy burden on social medical systems, since hospitals need to utilize limited medical resources to cure such people. Thus, it is difficult for individuals suffering from other illnesses to receive proper treatmentindividuals suffering from other illnesses are hard to get proper treatment. In addition, if people choose dangerous sports, it is their own duty to bear the responsibility of injuries or death. It is unfair to waste public resources since they are the direct beneficiariesbeneficiary of the dangerous sports. Nonetheless, dangerous sports can bring certain benefits to both individuals and society. To begin with, extreme sports can offer special pleasure for people who want to pursue exciting activities, which serves as an essential outlet for relieving their stressreleasing their pressure. Furthermore, the development of dangerous sports can create more job opportunities. There is no denying that organizations that host extreme sports eventsorganizations that hold extreme sports need to recruit employees to protect the safety of participants. Also, attendees should pay for the entrance fees if they want to participate.take part in. Therefore, more occupations are generated and the local economylocal economy can be boosted to some extent. From my perspective, since dangerous sports have both merits and demerits, it is impossible for governments to prohibit them completely. It is advisable for governments to introduce regulations that formulate rules for the management of dangerous sports, promoting their safety.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay addresses both sides of the argument effectively and presents a well-reasoned personal stance on regulating rather than banning extreme sports. Information is organized logically with clear paragraphing and cohesive transitions throughout. To improve further, the writer should refine word choices to avoid occasional awkward phrasing and ensure consistent grammatical precision in complex sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response covers both perspectives thoroughly and articulates a clear personal conclusion regarding the regulation of dangerous sports.
Ensure the personal stance is introduced earlier in the essay to maintain a clear position throughout the entire response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas are connected smoothly using a good variety of linking words and phrases.
Vary cohesive devices slightly more to avoid relying on repetitive transition words at the start of paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of topic-specific vocabulary is used accurately to discuss risks, benefits, and government intervention.
Focus on natural word combinations to avoid slightly unnatural phrasing like 'individuals are hard to get proper treatment'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writing uses a flexible blend of simple and complex sentences with good overall accuracy and control.
Proofread for minor grammatical errors, particularly relative pronoun usage and clause agreements in longer complex sentences.