An increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
"Change is the essence of the life ". I feel that in today's competitive world, one should be professional in multidisciplinary fields to survive. As what author mentioned that the increased number of people today change their career and living places in their lives, is correct and is a positive thing as far as I am concerned. Below I will justify why I say that it is a positive development.
Firstly, I think that it is a critical thing to change career and place from one to another because it requires a lot of potential and adaptability to do this. This happens when a crisis occurs in any particular field then a lot of people lose their jobs and positions of those people become chaotic. So in that situation, if a person has knowledge in some other fields, then he can actually sustain. One such instance was, my uncle Jim who was working as a JAVA developer in a software company, during that time his field had an economic crisis and lots of people have lost their jobs. Then he was also a professional in teaching, so he joined as a professor and taught lessons to the students. He changed his career and was stable enough in life.
Secondly, I even support changes the living places because one likes to move to the place where he gets good salary in his profession. Most of the people migrate from place to another in search of jobs also and the best facilities to live a comfortable life. These days it is becoming quite a common that people move from one place to another. This not only fetches good propensities but also come across different culture and lifestyle. This could happen even because of some discrimination in that place so that a person moves away to get opportunities to live happily. One such example was: a person called Mark who was living in a village had to leave his home in search of a job in the city as he was a computer science engineer. He never had a chance to do a job in his village, as no company existed in that town. Now he is an executive engineering and earning a very good ransom of salary and has all facilities with him.
So I would like to conclude by saying that it is always a positive point to change career when the situation demands it and is also a good move to change the living places. One will be satisfied when his work is appreciated and gets a good salary, so in search of this one can definitely change his or her career or place but not in every instance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article use Original: the essence of the life Suggested revision: the essence of life Why it matters: Life in this general meaning does not need the.
- 2. Awkward clause Original: As what author mentioned Suggested revision: As the prompt suggests Why it matters: The task prompt is not an author, and the clause needs a clearer subject.
- 3. Agreement context Original: people today change Suggested revision: people today changing Why it matters: After the increased number of, a gerund phrase is more natural.
- 4. Essay tone Original: Below I will justify Suggested revision: I will explain Why it matters: This is simpler and more natural in an IELTS essay.
- 5. Word choice Original: a critical thing Suggested revision: a valuable skill Why it matters: The point is about adaptability, not something critical or dangerous.
- 6. Precise wording Original: potential and adaptability Suggested revision: resilience and adaptability Why it matters: Resilience better fits the ability to handle change.
- 7. Tense consistency Original: lots of people have lost their jobs Suggested revision: many people lost their jobs Why it matters: The surrounding example is in the past tense.
- 8. Profession phrase Original: in teaching Suggested revision: as a teacher Why it matters: This is the natural way to describe the profession.
- 9. Verb form Original: I even support changes the living places Suggested revision: I also support changing living places Why it matters: Support should be followed by a noun or gerund phrase.
- 10. Article needed Original: good salary Suggested revision: a good salary Why it matters: Salary is a singular count noun here.
- 11. Missing article Original: from place to another Suggested revision: from one place to another Why it matters: This is the complete fixed phrase.
- 12. Adjective use Original: it is becoming quite a common Suggested revision: it is becoming quite common Why it matters: Common is an adjective and does not need a.
Suggested Rewrites
- the essence of the life the essence of life
- As what author mentioned As the prompt suggests
- people today change people today changing
- Below I will justify I will explain
- a critical thing a valuable skill
- potential and adaptability resilience and adaptability
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response gives a clear positive view and develops reasons related to adaptability, employment, and better opportunities, but it does not consider possible negative effects.
Add a short concession about instability, family disruption, or stress, then explain why the advantages still outweigh these problems.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable structure and uses examples, but linking is sometimes mechanical and several sentences are overloaded or awkwardly connected.
Use more direct topic sentences and make each example clearly serve one main idea.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary for the topic, but many word choices are inaccurate or unnatural, including propensities, ransom of salary, and executive engineering.
Replace ambitious but inaccurate words with precise employment and migration vocabulary such as prospects, income, career stability, and relocation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is attempted, but errors in articles, tense, prepositions, and sentence structure are frequent.
Simplify long sentences and check verb agreement after relative clauses and general plural subjects.