Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
It is believed that the number of people who watch films in cinema has been declining in the past few years. The following essay will discuss in details about reasons why it is decreasing, and some action plans that could be taken to resolve the issue. For a number of reasons, the number of people who go to the cinema has been declining nowadays. Firstly, it is due to home theatre system become more affordable these days. As many electronic retailers offer various kinds of discounts or instalment programs, a lot of people own home theatre devices nowadays, and they choose to watch films at home. Secondly, it is because pirate films are sold freely in some countries, mostly in third world countries. Illegal retailers offer various kinds of movies, from drama, cartoon, action and even ethnic films and the price of these pirate films is very affordable. As a result, the public would choose to buy these films rather than going to the cinema. However, there are several things that the government and people could do to solve the problem. The government should have strict and proper regulations about selling illegal films. Illegal retailers should be closed and the owner should be punished in accordance with the valid regulation. People who purchase or own illegal films should also be given some detentions as well. As for cinema owners, they should have some innovations or upgrade their cinema buildings. For example, they could convert the existing cinema into a 3D cinema and upgrade the sound system to a newer version, as they would attract more visitors. In conclusion, cinema attendances are declining lately, because more people are owning home theatres system and choose to buy illegal films. To solve the issue, cinema owner should upgrade their theatres and the government should make a proper regulation about pirated films.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article phrase Original: watch films in cinema Suggested revision: watch films at the cinema Why it matters: At the cinema is the natural phrase.
- 2. Verb pattern Original: discuss in details about reasons Suggested revision: discuss in detail the reasons Why it matters: Discuss takes a direct object and the fixed phrase is in detail.
- 3. Clear reference Original: why it is decreasing Suggested revision: why attendance is decreasing Why it matters: Using the noun attendance avoids an unclear pronoun.
- 4. Noun and verb form Original: due to home theatre system become Suggested revision: because home theatre systems have become Why it matters: Because can introduce a clause, and systems must be plural.
- 5. Article use Original: home theatre devices nowadays Suggested revision: home theatre devices these days Why it matters: These days is slightly more natural in this sentence.
- 6. Correct adjective Original: pirate films Suggested revision: pirated films Why it matters: Pirated is the adjective for illegally copied films.
- 7. Neutral term Original: third world countries Suggested revision: developing countries Why it matters: Developing countries is more neutral and current.
- 8. Unclear category Original: ethnic films Suggested revision: foreign films Why it matters: Foreign films is likely the intended category and is clearer.
- 9. Agreement Original: these pirate films is very affordable Suggested revision: these pirated films is very affordable Why it matters: The phrase also needs a plural-aware rewrite, such as the price of these pirated films is very affordable.
- 10. Concise policy phrase Original: strict and proper regulations Suggested revision: strict regulations Why it matters: Strict already carries the main meaning; proper is unnecessary.
- 11. Plural phrase Original: the valid regulation Suggested revision: the relevant regulations Why it matters: Use plural regulations for laws in general.
- 12. Wrong penalty word Original: given some detentions Suggested revision: given penalties Why it matters: Detention is usually for school or imprisonment; penalties is better for legal punishment.
Suggested Rewrites
- watch films in cinema watch films at the cinema
- discuss in details about reasons discuss in detail the reasons
- why it is decreasing why attendance is decreasing
- due to home theatre system become because home theatre systems have become
- home theatre devices nowadays home theatre devices these days
- pirate films pirated films
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses both causes and measures for declining cinema attendance. The main ideas are relevant and practical, but development is somewhat list-like and the causes focus narrowly on home theatres and piracy.
Explain one wider cause, such as streaming convenience or ticket prices, and connect each measure directly to a cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer has a clear internal order, but it is written as one long paragraph. Cohesive devices such as firstly, secondly, however, and as for are functional but mechanical.
Use paragraph breaks for introduction, causes, measures, and conclusion, with clearer cause-solution links.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant to cinema, illegal films, regulations, and technology. Some collocations are inaccurate, including in cinema, home theatre system become, pirate films, and detentions.
Use natural terms such as cinema attendance, home theatre systems, pirated films, penalties, regulations, and cinema owners.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay is generally understandable, but frequent article, plural, and verb-form errors occur. Long sentences sometimes create awkward structures, though meaning usually remains clear.
Check countable nouns and verb agreement, especially systems, films, owners, regulations, and attendance.