Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?
Sample Response
Cinema was one of the major entertainment sources during the 20th century, across the globe. The current trend indicates that the number of people watching films in a cinema hall is reducing in many countries. This essay will demonstrate the causes for this change and will provide the possible solutions. It is apparent that work pressure is increasing day by day due to competition. As people spend more time at their job, they have less time for entertainment. For instance, in Asian countries like India, Singapore etc. employees work around 10 hours a day due to their work requirement. In addition to that, they spend 1 to 2 hours on average for travel. They hardly get spare times to enjoy movies. Thus it is obvious that in some areas, people do not get enough opportunity to enjoy movies. This can be solved by restricting the work to maximum 8 hours a day. Both the government and the companies should come up with a policy that the workforce is never exploited. Another important reason why some citizens do not have the interest in cinemas is due to its focus on less interesting issues. For example, most of the current South Asian movies just gravitate towards money spending and give less importance to stories or theme. After watching the film, there is nothing to study or accept from. By analysing how film industry concentrates on illegitimate factors, it is clear that the youth is definitely distancing from movies and switching to games in some nations. One way to get rid of this problem is to focus on the issue which the people enjoy. As the interest change from region to region, it is up to the regional film industry to recognise the demand for that area. As a conclusion, it is apparent that by taking some measures, by government and industries, definitely cinema viewers can be increased. As a result, the film industry can use this as a mean of creating social awareness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural collocation Original: entertainment sources Suggested revision: forms of entertainment Why it matters: This is the standard expression.
- 2. Preposition Original: causes for this change Suggested revision: causes of this change Why it matters: Cause takes of in this noun phrase.
- 3. Plural reference Original: spend more time at their job Suggested revision: spend more time at work Why it matters: The fixed phrase is simpler and fits people generally.
- 4. Punctuation break Original: Singapore etc. employees Suggested revision: Singapore, employees Why it matters: Avoid etc. and use a comma after the introductory location phrase.
- 5. Natural phrase Original: due to their work requirement Suggested revision: because of workplace demands Why it matters: This is more idiomatic and precise.
- 6. Uncountable noun Original: spare times Suggested revision: spare time Why it matters: Time is uncountable here.
- 7. Overbroad solution Original: restricting the work to maximum 8 hours Suggested revision: encouraging predictable working hours and flexible cinema schedules Why it matters: This remedy is more targeted and practical.
- 8. Article error Original: do not have the interest Suggested revision: are not interested Why it matters: The adjective construction is natural.
- 9. Vague wording Original: less interesting issues Suggested revision: unengaging themes Why it matters: Films present themes rather than issues in this context.
- 10. Unclear meaning Original: gravitate towards money spending Suggested revision: prioritise lavish spectacle Why it matters: The original phrase does not express a clear film-making choice.
- 11. Wrong collocation Original: nothing to study or accept from Suggested revision: little meaningful to learn from them Why it matters: Study or accept from is not idiomatic.
- 12. Imprecise adjective Original: illegitimate factors Suggested revision: superficial elements Why it matters: Illegitimate suggests unlawfulness, which is not the intended meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- entertainment sources forms of entertainment
- causes for this change causes of this change
- spend more time at their job spend more time at work
- Singapore etc. employees Singapore, employees
- due to their work requirement because of workplace demands
- spare times spare time
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay gives two causes for declining cinema attendance and pairs each with a proposed response, so the task structure is easy to recognise. However, the causes are narrow and sometimes weakly reasoned, while several solutions are unrealistic or insufficiently linked to cinema-going itself. Strengthen the analysis with more direct factors such as streaming, ticket prices and film quality, supported by practical remedies.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered and cause-solution pairing is clear, but the explanations are limited and the proposed eight-hour work restriction is not convincingly targeted.
Develop direct causes such as home streaming and cost, then propose corresponding pricing, programming or cinema-experience measures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through two cause-solution sequences, though it lacks paragraph breaks and uses some mechanical linking.
Give each cause and its solution a separate paragraph and make the causal chain explicit.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations and vague terms frequently reduce precision.
Use expressions such as leisure time, commute, compelling themes, audience preferences and cinema operators.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence types is attempted, but errors in plurals, articles, agreement and passive construction are frequent.
Check count nouns, third-person agreement and passive forms in every paragraph.