Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
Sample Response
WHO defines health as ‘Physical, social and mental well-being’. It is a common misconception that absence of physical ailments makes us healthy and undermining the importance of mental and psychological aspects of health. Happiness broadly relates to the psychological well-being of an individual. Happiness though very important part of life, unfortunately, it is a relative term and poorly defined. It is also different for an individual. It may change from time to time. For example, achieving a set financial goal makes a person happy, bur this may not be the same for other. For, a kid, a new toy makes him happy. Enjoying with friends, going on a vacation, clearing examination, new job, marriage, childbirth are some other examples of happiness at different stages of life. Thus every person defines happiness to his character and liking. There are many ways to achieve happiness. According to me, happiness is finding “Inner peace”. Regular physical exercises can help to gain happiness. This not only improves fitness but also gives a sense of well-being. Practising yoga and meditation will keep your soul satisfied and calm. Avoidance of addictions such as alcohol, cigarette, and other psychotropic drug are required for leading a happy life. Someone has quoted:” If you play with your brain, the brain will play with you.” these addictions make the person vulnerable to various diseases such as liver cirrhosis, lungs diseases and increases sufferings both physically and economically. Accepting the negative phases of life and searching happiness in every moment would be the best strategy to remain happy. Mingling with friends, sharing joy and worries would be another best way to reduce pain and increase happiness. I believe, even if the happiness is a relative term, the path of achieving it is common for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Parallel verb form Original: that absence of physical ailments makes us healthy and undermining Suggested revision: that the absence of physical ailments makes us healthy, thereby undermining Why it matters: The second verb needs a grammatical link to the misconception.
- 2. Missing article and commas Original: Happiness though very important part of life Suggested revision: Happiness, though a very important part of life, Why it matters: The parenthetical clause needs an article and commas.
- 3. Remove doubled subject Original: unfortunately, it is a relative term Suggested revision: is unfortunately a relative term Why it matters: The sentence already has happiness as its subject.
- 4. Express variation Original: different for an individual Suggested revision: different for each individual Why it matters: Each conveys variation from person to person.
- 5. Typo Original: bur this may not Suggested revision: but this may not Why it matters: The conjunction is misspelled.
- 6. Plural pronoun Original: the same for other Suggested revision: the same for others Why it matters: Others is required when the noun people is omitted.
- 7. Remove stray comma Original: For, a kid Suggested revision: For a child Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the preposition from its object.
- 8. Natural social phrase Original: Enjoying with friends Suggested revision: Spending time with friends Why it matters: Enjoy normally requires an object.
- 9. Natural achievement Original: clearing examination Suggested revision: passing an examination Why it matters: Pass an examination is the standard collocation.
- 10. Parallel forms Original: new job, marriage, childbirth Suggested revision: starting a new job, getting married, and having a child Why it matters: Parallel gerund phrases make the list grammatical.
- 11. Correct preposition Original: defines happiness to his character and liking Suggested revision: defines happiness according to their character and preferences Why it matters: According to expresses the basis of an individual definition.
- 12. Opinion phrase Original: According to me Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for a personal opinion.
Suggested Rewrites
- that absence of physical ailments makes us healthy and undermining that the absence of physical ailments makes us healthy, thereby undermining
- Happiness though very important part of life Happiness, though a very important part of life,
- unfortunately, it is a relative term is unfortunately a relative term
- different for an individual different for each individual
- bur this may not but this may not
- the same for other the same for others
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers both questions by explaining that happiness varies between people and over time, then offering several physical, psychological, and social contributors. The ideas are relevant but presented as a long, loosely connected list, and the opening discussion of health is more extensive than necessary. Organize the answer into two clear sections and develop a smaller number of factors with explanation rather than adding many brief examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The task is addressed with relevant ideas, though development and precision are uneven.
Develop each main point with a specific explanation or consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is generally organized, though some progression and paragraph focus need improvement.
Give each paragraph one clear controlling purpose.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task, but inaccurate collocations and word choices recur.
Prefer precise, natural topic vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear overall, but recurring sentence-level errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread agreement, articles, prepositions, and clause structure.