Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
Sample Response
It is true that happiness is very important in people’s life, but some people have different views about how to be happy. This essay will discuss the reasons that makes happiness difficult to understand and the things how to attain it.
There are things that can make a person happy, while others do not such as a stable job, a beautiful house, or winning a lottery. A person will be happy with his life if he is able to feed his family by having a permanent job. Also, if the house is decent, he will be happy to see how comfortable life is to live in a place with wonderful furniture and appliances. Finally, winning a huge sum of money is a dream coming true for most people. However, others do not like to buy lottery tickets because some people believe that once they have won the lottery, they might put their family’s life at risk, perhaps, they think somebody will try to kidnap their kids and ask for a ransom.
On the other hand, there are simple factors in attaining happiness. For example, when a family of five could meet the basic needs such as food, clothing and a house, these could make a family satisfied with what they already have in life as long as they are together. Another example is being able to pass an English proficiency test to be qualified to become a registered nurse in Canada. Most foreign workers would be very glad if they could pursue their career after passing such a test.
In conclusion, people have their own meaning of happiness and there are reasons why certain things make them happy such as basic needs or passing an examination test.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive ‘people’s’ requires the plural noun ‘lives’ in this general statement.
- 2. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: makes Suggested revision: make Why it matters: The plural subject ‘reasons’ requires the base-form verb ‘make’.
- 3. Match the task wording Original: understand Suggested revision: define Why it matters: ‘Define’ expresses the intended issue more precisely than ‘understand’.
- 4. Repair noun clause Original: the things how to attain it Suggested revision: the factors that help people attain it Why it matters: The original combination of ‘things’ and ‘how’ is ungrammatical.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: feed his family by having a permanent job Suggested revision: support his family through permanent employment Why it matters: The revision expresses the connection between employment and family support more naturally.
- 6. Fix the idiom Original: coming Suggested revision: come Why it matters: The fixed expression is ‘a dream come true’.
- 7. Use additive linking Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: This paragraph adds further factors rather than presenting a contrast.
- 8. Improve the collocation Original: factors in attaining happiness Suggested revision: factors that contribute to happiness Why it matters: The revised phrase is a more natural way to describe sources of happiness.
- 9. Use present tense Original: could Suggested revision: can Why it matters: The general condition requires present-tense ‘can’ rather than hypothetical ‘could’.
- 10. Clarify possession Original: the Suggested revision: its Why it matters: The possessive determiner clearly links the needs to the family.
- 11. Fix reference and form Original: these could make a family satisfied Suggested revision: this can make the family feel satisfied Why it matters: Singular ‘this’ refers to meeting the needs, while ‘feel satisfied’ is the natural construction.
- 12. Remove wordiness Original: with what they already have in life Suggested revision: with what they have Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning without unnecessary words.
Suggested Rewrites
- life lives
- makes make
- understand define
- the things how to attain it the factors that help people attain it
- feed his family by having a permanent job support his family through permanent employment
- coming come
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest when it uses concrete examples to show how employment, basic needs, family life, and career progress can contribute to happiness. Its main limitation is that it only briefly implies why happiness is difficult to define, while the extended lottery discussion becomes tangential and some awkward sentences reduce precision. Prioritise a direct explanation of happiness as subjective, then organise the factors into focused, clearly expressed categories.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed, but the reasons happiness is difficult to define are only implied, and some supporting detail is disproportionate or tangential.
Explain directly why definitions vary between people and cultures, then develop two or three clearly selected factors rather than extending the lottery scenario.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognisable introduction, body, and conclusion with broadly clear progression, though some linking is mechanical or logically imprecise.
Use paragraphing to separate the reason happiness is subjective from the factors that produce it, and replace misleading transitions such as 'On the other hand.'
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate and includes some less common items, but recurring awkward collocations and imprecise phrases reduce naturalness.
Improve collocational accuracy in phrases such as 'people's lives,' 'a dream come true,' and 'proficiency test,' while avoiding vague wording like 'things how to attain it.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring agreement, clause-formation, and punctuation errors limit accuracy despite generally clear meaning.
Focus on subject-verb agreement and controlled clause boundaries, especially in long sentences containing relative clauses, conditionals, or multiple independent ideas.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.