Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In recent days, there is an ongoing debate on how to give appropriate punishment toward people who accused with criminal activities. Some state that they should be punished by looking at the type of crime they have committed, while some people believe that the circumstance and reason of committing a crime should be given a high priority while accusing someone of the crime. However, I personally argue that these ideas are definitely true and through this essay, I will support these views with some considerations below. Nowadays, the fact shows that there are some cases given injustice punishment toward a criminal. For instance, a grandmother stole three chocolates last year and she had to spend times in prison for several years. In contrast of the corruptors stealing plenty of money from society but punished only a year and completed by good service from the police. In short, the law of government should review and rearrange the constitution when deciding on the punishment. They should think of the punishment types as the consideration of the punishment decision. Turning to the other arguments, the government also should pay attention to the reason why people have committed criminalities. For example, there are some cases which show the most reason for committing a crime are economic problems. A lot of people have no job thus they prefer to do misconduct to fulfil their daily need. The most obvious solution is by taking the motivation of criminals as an essential consideration in giving punishment. As a result, I truly believe that these ideas are an essential consideration that can encounter social justice.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Time phrase Original: In recent days Suggested revision: In recent years Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for a continuing debate.
- 2. Wrong preposition Original: punishment toward people Suggested revision: punishment for people Why it matters: Toward is not used with punishment in this construction.
- 3. Plural forms Original: the circumstance and reason Suggested revision: the circumstances and reasons Why it matters: The prompt concerns multiple case factors.
- 4. Unclear opinion Original: these ideas are definitely true Suggested revision: sentences should normally be flexible rather than fixed Why it matters: The two views conflict, so a precise position is required.
- 5. Word form Original: injustice punishment Suggested revision: unjust punishments Why it matters: Unjust is the adjective; the count noun should be plural.
- 6. Uncountable noun Original: spend times in prison Suggested revision: spend several years in prison Why it matters: Time is uncountable in this expression.
- 7. Linking phrase Original: In contrast of Suggested revision: By contrast, Why it matters: This is the correct contrast marker.
- 8. Wrong noun Original: the corruptors Suggested revision: corrupt officials Why it matters: Corruptor is not the natural term for people who commit corruption.
- 9. Missing passive Original: but punished only a year Suggested revision: but were sentenced to only one year Why it matters: The clause needs an auxiliary and the correct sentencing verb.
- 10. Imprecise proposal Original: rearrange the constitution Suggested revision: reform sentencing laws Why it matters: This directly names the law being discussed.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: committed criminalities Suggested revision: committed crimes Why it matters: Crime is the standard count noun here.
- 12. Superlative form Original: the most reason Suggested revision: the main reason Why it matters: Most reason is not grammatical.
Suggested Rewrites
- In recent days In recent years
- punishment toward people punishment for people
- the circumstance and reason the circumstances and reasons
- these ideas are definitely true sentences should normally be flexible rather than fixed
- injustice punishment unjust punishments
- spend times in prison spend several years in prison
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response recognises both fixed punishment and case-specific circumstances, and it attempts to support the latter with examples involving unequal sentencing and economic need. However, the two positions are not explained distinctly, the writer’s own view is ambiguous, and frequent grammatical and lexical errors weaken precision. Build one clear paragraph for each view and state exactly which approach should prevail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both topics are mentioned, but the fixed-punishment view is not properly developed and the opinion that both ideas are true does not resolve the conflict.
Explain the fairness and deterrence case for fixed penalties, contrast it with mitigation, and choose a clear final position.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is some progression through examples and a transition to circumstances, but paragraphing is absent and connections are often unclear.
Use an introduction, two view paragraphs and a conclusion, with each paragraph centred on one claim.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient crime-related vocabulary to convey basic ideas, but inaccurate word choices and repeated punishment language are frequent.
Use precise terms such as sentencing, mitigating circumstances, proportionality, offender and corruption.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in passive forms, articles, plurals, clauses and sentence construction sometimes impede understanding.
Practise complete subject-verb clauses and passive patterns such as people who are accused and was sentenced.