Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today's modern world, we are constantly bombarded with the issue of crime which has recently increased at an alarming rate in newspapers. Some people, therefore, are of the opinion that all kinds of crime should have its own punishment which is legislated by the government. However, there are a handful of people who assert that some background reasons, which cause the criminals to commit crimes, should be included in the procedure of deciding on the punishment. Hence, we will examine both sides of the argument before reaching a reasonable conclusion.
A fixed punishment for each type of crime is necessary due to several reasons. To begin, it allows every criminal to be treated fairly for every crime. It is important to ensure no one will be discriminated or get offended by the public. In addition, there will not be any unsatisfactory between the criminals who committed the same kind of crime when they are sentenced to jail. Furthermore, a fixed punishment plays an indispensable role in giving a deterrent in turning the would-be offenders. To illustrate, a serious punishment will be incurred to those who commit crimes like murders will definitely deter and cause would-be offenders to change their minds before committing a crime.
On the other hand, it is vital to take into account the reasons why criminals commit crimes. First of all, many of them, especially teenagers who are more vulnerable to those feelings of loneliness are more easily influenced by their peers. They do not have mature thinking and are not being aware of the possible negative impacts of committing crimes. According to recent research conducted in Columbia, the statistic has shown that about 58% of the youngsters got affected by their badly behaved friends when got caught to involve in crimes. It is also believed by the public that many criminals have the lackings of parental love which eventually causes them to behave violently and aggressively. They, therefore, involve committing crimes including robberies and murders to show how powerful they are.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that every jury should make their decisions on punishments by considering the reasons why they commit crimes. Our nation will surely continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come once the crime rates are successfully reduced.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong metaphor Original: bombarded with the issue of crime Suggested revision: confronted by the issue of crime Why it matters: Confronted by states the issue naturally without an unsuitable media metaphor.
- 2. Faulty reporting logic Original: increased at an alarming rate in newspapers Suggested revision: been reported in newspapers as increasing at an alarming rate Why it matters: Crime increases in society and is reported in newspapers.
- 3. Agreement and precision Original: all kinds of crime should have its own punishment Suggested revision: each type of crime should have its own fixed punishment Why it matters: Each agrees with its and matches the policy under discussion.
- 4. Use legal phrasing Original: some background reasons Suggested revision: underlying circumstances Why it matters: Underlying circumstances is the precise phrase for contextual factors behind an offence.
- 5. Reduce wordiness Original: included in the procedure of deciding on Suggested revision: considered when deciding Why it matters: The concise phrase expresses the decision process naturally.
- 6. Wrong reason phrase Original: due to several reasons Suggested revision: for several reasons Why it matters: Necessary for several reasons is the correct construction.
- 7. Clarify equal treatment Original: every criminal to be treated fairly for every crime Suggested revision: offenders who commit the same crime to be treated equally Why it matters: The revision makes the intended comparison between similar offences explicit.
- 8. Fix passive patterns Original: be discriminated or get offended Suggested revision: be discriminated against or treated unfairly Why it matters: Discriminate requires against and offended does not express unequal sentencing.
- 9. Wrong word form Original: unsatisfactory Suggested revision: dissatisfaction Why it matters: Dissatisfaction is the noun required after any.
- 10. Use among Original: between the criminals Suggested revision: among offenders Why it matters: Among is used for a group of more than two people.
- 11. Faulty deterrence phrase Original: giving a deterrent in turning Suggested revision: deterring Why it matters: The single verb deterring expresses the intended preventive effect.
- 12. Wrong passive verb Original: a serious punishment will be incurred to those Suggested revision: a severe punishment will be imposed on those Why it matters: Punishments are imposed on offenders, not incurred to them.
Suggested Rewrites
- bombarded with the issue of crime confronted by the issue of crime
- increased at an alarming rate in newspapers been reported in newspapers as increasing at an alarming rate
- all kinds of crime should have its own punishment each type of crime should have its own fixed punishment
- some background reasons underlying circumstances
- included in the procedure of deciding on considered when deciding
- due to several reasons for several reasons
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay's strongest feature is its balanced structure: it explains consistency and deterrence for fixed penalties, then presents peer influence and deprived upbringing as reasons to consider individual motivation. The main limitation is that several supporting claims are implausible or only loosely connected to sentencing, while frequent language errors blur the reasoning. Prioritise a concrete legal comparison showing how the same offence may deserve different penalties because of intent, age or coercion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented with relevant reasons, but several explanations focus generally on causes of crime rather than how circumstances should alter a sentence.
Compare two offenders who commit the same crime under different intentions or pressures and explain precisely why their punishments should differ.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-part structure gives the discussion clear progression, although formulaic signposting and some weak links between claims and examples reduce cohesion.
Use each body paragraph to develop one central sentencing principle and connect every example directly to that principle.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of crime and justice vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate forms and collocations make parts of the argument awkward or unclear.
Use standard combinations such as 'consistent sentencing', 'act as a deterrent', 'mitigating circumstances' and 'lack of parental support'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but agreement, article, passive-form and clause-construction errors occur frequently and sometimes impede clarity.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check that each clause has one clear subject and finite verb, especially in examples about punishment and peer influence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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