Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
There is a controversial fact that whether there should be fixed punishments for crimes or the factors that might lead the crime should be taken into consideration, while penalties for crimes are detected. In my opinion, to decide justice both of them are required. The circumstances brought about the crime should play a role to slight the penalty or deteriorate the punishment.
Some people believe that each crime should be performed as a specific punishment that serves to implement justice in a society. In this practice, each person who did the same crime is punished as a standard punishment. For instance, the penalty of forgery is a standard for every person. Every thief, child or adult does not matter, is convicted in the same way.
On the other hand, another group of people think that each occasion related to crime is different from one another. Because psychology and position of guilty, environmental factors and reasons and results of the crime affect the damage of the crime on people or society. Accordingly, such mentioned factors should be detectable on the level of punishment. For instance, if a person causes a traffic accident by a mistake, his position, his regret and his emotional situation should be evaluated, when the penalty is assigned.
I personally think that each crime should be assessed specifically and fixed crimes detected beforehand should be able to extend or lessen. Thanks to that, the intentions lied down behind the crime could be thought while deciding the crime of a guilty. Otherwise, thieving a piece of bread because of hungry will have the same position with a theft who stole many pieces of bread to sell in another place to earn money.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix justice collocation Original: decide Suggested revision: achieve Why it matters: Justice is “achieved” or “served,” not “decided.”
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: both of them are required Suggested revision: both approaches are required Why it matters: The explicit noun identifies the two approaches more clearly than the vague pronoun.
- 3. Fix circumstance phrase Original: The circumstances brought about the crime Suggested revision: The circumstances surrounding the crime Why it matters: “Circumstances surrounding the crime” is the natural expression for relevant context.
- 4. Fix verb pattern Original: play a role to slight the penalty Suggested revision: play a role in reducing the penalty Why it matters: “Play a role” takes “in” plus a gerund, and “reduce” expresses a lighter penalty.
- 5. Use correct penalty verb Original: deteriorate Suggested revision: increasing Why it matters: A punishment can be increased, whereas “deteriorate” does not take this meaning.
- 6. Clarify system reference Original: In this practice Suggested revision: Under this system Why it matters: The replacement clearly refers to the fixed-punishment system just introduced.
- 7. Use correct crime verb Original: did Suggested revision: commits Why it matters: People “commit” crimes, and the present tense suits a general rule.
- 8. Fix punishment phrase Original: is punished as a standard punishment Suggested revision: receives a standard punishment Why it matters: A person receives a punishment rather than being punished as one.
- 9. State fixed penalty clearly Original: the penalty of forgery is a standard Suggested revision: the penalty for forgery is fixed Why it matters: “Penalty for” is the correct preposition, and “fixed” conveys the intended rule.
- 10. Fix inserted clause Original: child or adult does not matter Suggested revision: whether a child or an adult Why it matters: The replacement forms a grammatical parenthetical phrase identifying the offender's age.
- 11. Use legal case term Original: each occasion related to crime Suggested revision: each criminal case Why it matters: “Criminal case” names an individual crime situation clearly and concisely.
- 12. Repair sentence fragment Original: Because Suggested revision: The Why it matters: Removing the subordinating conjunction allows the statement to function as a complete sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- decide achieve
- both of them are required both approaches are required
- The circumstances brought about the crime The circumstances surrounding the crime
- play a role to slight the penalty play a role in reducing the penalty
- deteriorate increasing
- In this practice Under this system
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay addresses both approaches to punishment, states a combined position, and uses relevant examples to distinguish fixed penalties from case-specific decisions. Its main limitation is that ideas are expressed through persistently inaccurate vocabulary and grammar, which sometimes obscures the intended reasoning. Prioritise clear legal terms and simple, controlled sentences when explaining how a standard sentence could be adjusted for circumstances.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are addressed with relevant examples, although the rationale for combining fixed and flexible punishments is only partly developed.
Explain a workable principle in which each offence has a standard starting penalty that judges can adjust for motive and circumstances.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and contrasting sequence are clear, but some connections within sentences and between claims are difficult to follow.
Give each paragraph one explicit central claim and connect the example directly to that claim with a complete explanatory sentence.
Lexical Resource
The essay attempts a range of crime and justice vocabulary, but frequent incorrect word choices substantially reduce precision.
Use accurate combinations such as 'impose a sentence', 'mitigating circumstances', 'aggravate an offence', and 'the offender's motivation'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of structures is attempted, but frequent errors in clauses, articles, verb forms, and comparisons sometimes impede readability.
Write shorter complete sentences and proofread each one for a clear subject, finite verb, and grammatically complete comparison.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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