Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom?
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Sample Response
In recent times, schools have playedIn recent times, schools play a significant role in children's educational development. Some people state that primary schools have a negative effect on youngsters, as they are mainly focused on providing a formal learning structure, with which I partially agree.
To begin with, nowadays children spend a substantial part of their day at schools surrounded by peers. It is evident that thisevident that, this process has a serious impact on youngsters' social development, as they are encouraged to not only socialize with each other but also work in groups and participate in discussions. Exposing the younger generation to social challenges at such a young age helps them to become more resilient toresistant towards the social problems they might face in the future.
On the other hand, it is widely believed thatbelieved, that youngsters at such a young age are not developed enough for the intensive academic instructionintense learning processes. Forcing them to give up their interestsgive up on their interests, namely playing, will cause more severe problems foron their mental health and might even cause demotivationa demotivation, which will result in serious challenges during their educational advancement.
Consequently, I personally think that both schools and parentsperents should focus on creatingcreation more age appropriate environments for the children at schools. The children need to not only become aware of the importance of educational development, but also become interested in self-improvementself improvement, so the most effective solution is to incorporate educational gamesinvolve the learning games, such as math equations using toys for better clarification, in the primary school curriculacurriculums.
To sum up, I think that both playing and learning is the important aspects of the younger generation's holisticthorough development. As a result, governments should encourage schools to transform learning systems for youngsters to maketurn the learning process more interesting and enjoyable.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response effectively addresses both parts of the prompt with a clear personal stance and practical examples like using toys for learning games. However, the essay is held back by recurring grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect style and precision. To achieve a higher score, focus on improving grammatical agreement, punctuation accuracy, and precise vocabulary selection.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both prompt questions and presents a clear, consistent opinion supported by practical examples.
Ensure all supporting points directly explain the balance between formal study and play in early education.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into paragraphs with clear topic progression, though transition words are occasionally overused or misplaced.
Refine the use of linking phrases and remove unnecessary commas after introductory clauses to smooth the flow of ideas.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-related vocabulary is used, though minor word formation and spelling errors occur.
Proofread carefully to fix word-form mistakes such as using noun forms where gerunds are required.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures is attempted, but frequent subject-verb agreement errors and unnecessary commas affect accuracy.
Focus on checking subject-verb agreement, especially when referencing plural compound subjects.