In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Sample Response
At present, most of the elderly population are left under the care of home-cares due to the fact that the younger family members are too busy with their work and could not provide sufficient care and attention for the later. In addition, some of the family members even fail to provide financial support. Hence, the government has left no choice but to pay for their care. Some people believe financial responsibility should be given to the family, however, I strongly believe that the government should take greater responsibility. This argument is supported by stating some of the reasons why I agree. First and foremost, there are variations in each family's financial capabilities. Some can provide sufficient support for the elderly, while some fail to do so. This instability is risky, therefore the government, which has the sufficient resources could somehow assist them instead. For instance, a family member may have no job when an elderly needs hospitalisation. In this case, giving the responsibility to the government will be an advantage. Moreover, a majority of the elderly had been productive during their earlier life. Some of them have paid insurances, government fees and taxes. These contributions had been helpful in establishing the government. Hence, in return, the government should help them, now that they already are debilitated. For example, as an intake coordinator for insurances, I am aware that in the United States, productive citizens, who work in a company are paying monthly contributions for their Medicare insurances. When the time comes that these citizens became old and sick, the government is mandated to support their needs. In summary, financial support for elderly citizens should be a responsibility for both the family and the government. However, because the government is more stable they should take greater responsibility.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a clear plural subject Original: most of the elderly population are Suggested revision: most elderly people are Why it matters: The revision avoids disagreement between the singular collective noun 'population' and the plural verb.
- 2. Use the correct term Original: home-cares Suggested revision: care homes Why it matters: 'Care homes' is the standard term for residential facilities for elderly people.
- 3. Keep present tense Original: could not provide Suggested revision: cannot provide Why it matters: The paragraph describes a current situation, so the present-tense modal is required.
- 4. Correct the reference word Original: later Suggested revision: latter Why it matters: 'The latter' refers to the second person or group mentioned, while 'later' refers to time.
- 5. Repair the expression Original: has left no choice Suggested revision: has no choice Why it matters: 'Leave no choice' requires an object, whereas 'has no choice' is complete in this sentence.
- 6. Use a natural collocation Original: financial responsibility should be given to the family Suggested revision: financial responsibility should lie with the family Why it matters: Responsibility naturally 'lies with' a person or group rather than being 'given to' them in this context.
- 7. Express comparison clearly Original: variations in each family's financial capabilities Suggested revision: differences among families' financial capabilities Why it matters: The point compares several families, so 'differences among' states the relationship more precisely.
- 8. Clarify the contrast Original: while some fail to do so Suggested revision: while others cannot Why it matters: 'Others' establishes a clear contrast with the preceding group and avoids repeating 'some'.
- 9. Remove the article Original: which has the sufficient resources Suggested revision: which has sufficient resources Why it matters: The uncountable plural phrase 'sufficient resources' does not take 'the' in this general reference.
- 10. Complete the noun phrase Original: an elderly needs hospitalisation Suggested revision: an elderly person needs hospitalisation Why it matters: 'Elderly' is an adjective here and needs a noun such as 'person'.
- 11. Match the hypothetical context Original: will be an advantage Suggested revision: would be advantageous Why it matters: The hypothetical example calls for 'would', and the adjective gives a more natural complement.
- 12. Use appropriate past tense Original: a majority of the elderly had been productive Suggested revision: most elderly people were productive Why it matters: The simple past describes their earlier lives more appropriately than the unsupported past perfect.
Suggested Rewrites
- most of the elderly population are most elderly people are
- home-cares care homes
- could not provide cannot provide
- later latter
- has left no choice has no choice
- financial responsibility should be given to the family financial responsibility should lie with the family
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in presenting a clear, consistent judgement and supporting it with two relevant reasons concerning unequal family resources and older citizens' prior contributions. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire essay forms one paragraph, while several awkward word choices and grammatical slips reduce polish. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the introduction, main reasons, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs, then edit recurring agreement, article, and tense errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons and examples, though some claims could be examined more precisely.
Explain how government and family contributions would be divided in practice to make the qualified position more fully developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses clear signposting, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens organisation.
Create distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one central reason developed in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes less common, but recurring awkward forms such as home-cares and insurances reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as care homes, insurance contributions, and older person, while checking collocations carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, although agreement, article, punctuation, and tense errors recur.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement, article use, and consistent tense, especially in examples about past contributions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.