In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Sample Response
One of the most challenging and controversial questions of today’s society is that who should be responsible for old people’s care and expenses: either it should be the government or the family members. In my opinion, it should be a mutual responsibility of both the government and the family.
To start with, parents plays the most important and strong part in a child’s life. They give them values, manners, love and care. They provide them support morally as well as financially. They try their best to give their child the ideal life they could imagine.
So, when these parents get old and need help and support in almost every manner, then children should not run from their duties. They should take care of their parents as good as their parents did when they were young.
On the other hand, all the families don’t have the same structures. Some might have problems such as financial or accommodation. Then at this point, I believe that the government should come forward and take steps to make senior citizen’s lives better. The people who are now old have paid the tax in their whole life and that’s why the government should take their financial responsibilities as well. Old citizens should have equal rights on government funds as they have served and paid taxes which help the government to run the state. I strongly claim that government should have a fixed fund or deposit for individuals and as well as for old homes.
In addition, I like the idea of the security deposit as for example, an old person can live with his family without being a burden on them. Finally, in my opinion, both the government and the family should possible responsibility to make senior citizens happy and give them a comfortable life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: a mutual responsibility of both Suggested revision: a shared responsibility of Why it matters: Shared already conveys mutual responsibility between both parties.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: plays Suggested revision: play Why it matters: The plural subject parents requires the base verb play.
- 3. Use natural wording Original: most important and strong part Suggested revision: strongest and most important role Why it matters: Role is appropriate for parental influence, and strongest gives a grammatical parallel superlative.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: give Suggested revision: teach Why it matters: Parents teach values rather than give them.
- 5. Use direct verb pattern Original: provide them support Suggested revision: support them Why it matters: Support can be used directly as a verb with the object them.
- 6. Use concise coordination Original: morally as well as financially Suggested revision: morally and financially Why it matters: And coordinates the two parallel adverbs more directly.
- 7. Use natural expression Original: the ideal life they could imagine Suggested revision: the best life possible Why it matters: The best life possible expresses the intended maximum parental support concisely.
- 8. Remove repetition Original: help and support in almost every manner Suggested revision: support in almost every way Why it matters: Help and support repeat the same idea, and every way is the natural expression.
- 9. Use correct collocation Original: run from their duties Suggested revision: shirk their duties Why it matters: Shirk one's duties is the standard expression for avoiding responsibilities.
- 10. Use adverb comparison Original: good Suggested revision: well Why it matters: The verb phrase take care requires the adverb well rather than the adjective good.
- 11. Avoid ambiguous negation Original: all the families don’t have the same structures Suggested revision: not all families have the same circumstances Why it matters: Not all correctly expresses variation, and circumstances fits financial and housing differences.
- 12. Complete noun phrase Original: problems such as financial or accommodation Suggested revision: financial or accommodation problems Why it matters: Financial and accommodation must modify the plural noun problems.
Suggested Rewrites
- a mutual responsibility of both a shared responsibility of
- plays play
- most important and strong part strongest and most important role
- give teach
- provide them support support them
- morally as well as financially morally and financially
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear shared-responsibility position and offers relevant reasons for contributions from families and the government. Its main limitation is that some ideas, especially the proposed security deposit, are vague, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken precision; the highest-priority improvement is to explain a practical funding arrangement clearly and express it in accurately formed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is addressed with a clear position and relevant reasons, but parts of the proposed solution remain insufficiently explained.
Specify how costs should be divided between families and the government, including who qualifies for public support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a broadly logical sequence, although some short paragraphs and the late security-deposit point interrupt development.
Integrate the deposit proposal into the government paragraph and connect it explicitly to the shared-responsibility position.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss care and funding, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward phrases such as 'run from their duties' and 'take their financial responsibilities' with standard collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear through a mixture of structures, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, noun forms, and clause construction persist.
Prioritise complete clause patterns and subject-verb agreement, particularly in the introduction and final sentence.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.