In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
In Britain, many elderly people tend to live with their peersfellow elderly people at a nursing home.at nursing home. Although most people believe that the government's fundingthat government funding should be spent to sustain this care, I believe that the family should also provide for their family membersmember.
To begin with, families have a moral responsibilityfamily have moral responsibility to take care of their loved ones. Family can show care for their elderly members through daily or monthly spending at the nursing facility. There are always examples of wealthy familiesfamily, who are willing to pay entirely for their elderly relatives to stayfor their elderly to be in a nursing facility,in nursing facility, but they are in the minority; often, many familiesminority, Often, a lot of family would struggle to make ends meet.meet end needs.
On the other hand, some people would argue that old people have substantially contributedmore-or-less contributed to societyto the society and, therefore, are entitled to government support later in their liveslife. This may be true, but there are people living on government funding for a vast majority of their life. As far as society is concerned,As far as society concerned, government funding is limited. Spending a large amount of money on the elderly population in nursing homeshome would put great pressure on other areas that need fundingfundings such as childcare, maintaining food security and providing homeshome for homeless people.
In conclusion, I believe the majority would benefit from government funding to support the operation of nursing homes.support the function of nursing home. However, the family cannot transfer the responsibility of caring for their loved ones entirely to the government. I believe that the family should more-or-less contribute daily or monthly, depending on their capacity, to support their loved one.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively presents a nuanced position on shared financial responsibility between families and the government, maintaining a logical structure throughout. However, persistent minor grammatical inaccuracies and imprecise collocations slightly lower the overall precision of the writing. Prioritizing correct article usage, noun forms, and standard idiomatic phrasing will elevate the quality of the response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly addresses the question with a clear position that both the government and families should share the financial burden of care.
Elaborate further on specific practical examples of shared payment models to deepen the support for your main arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into distinct paragraphs, ensuring a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
Refine transitional phrases to ensure smoother connections between contrasting points within paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the task, though occasional awkward phrasing and incorrect collocations are present.
Focus on mastering natural word partnerships and fixed expressions, such as using 'make ends meet' instead of 'meet end needs'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used, but noticeable errors with articles, prepositions, and countability occur throughout.
Review basic grammatical rules regarding article placement and countable versus uncountable nouns like 'funding'.