In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
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Sample Response
ChildrenKids are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough in some countries. While sometimes it might not workdo not work , I still think studying hard enough is the best way to be successful individualsa successful people for children.
One major advantage is that studying hard enough can help children enhance their career prospects and earning potential. From children's perspectiveIn children's sight, play is often considered their primary priorityplay is the most important thing in their life. So, parents and teachersas their parents or teachers, we should try our best to encourage children to spend more time studying instead of playing. It is very necessary. For instance, Dongmingzhu, a very famous Chinese businesswomanchinese bussinesswoman. She once saidOnce She said in a report, when she was in primary school, she strongly preferred leisure activities to academic studyshe loved playing games very much rather than studying. So her mother kept telling her that she should study more and encouraging her. After that, she started tryingtry hard and finally she became very successful. Consequently, thisThis way can not only help improve children's skill sets and knowledge base, but also strengthen their interest in studying.
However, one key disadvantage is that overstudyingover-study may lead to failure. Trying hard enough doesis not mean that children are supposed to study from morning until nightfrom morning to evening. This is definitely wrong. The right way is that we should combine study with play, but spend more time studying. If children spend all day studying, they may not only feel exhausted but also lose their motivationthey can not only feel tired, but also lose motivation for studying. For example, why many students in small Chinese countieschinese small counties spend the most time studying, but get the worst academic performance in the end? It is resulted by this.
In conclusion, encouraging children to try hard enough is a viable approacha workable way, but we should be mindful about the limits.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay effectively presents both benefits and drawbacks of encouraging children to work hard, maintaining a clear overall position throughout. However, the candidate narrowingly interprets the prompt as solely being about academic study versus play, and frequent grammatical and lexical errors reduce clarity. To improve, broaden the scope beyond academic studying and focus on revising basic grammatical structures and sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages with relevant points, though it narrowly interprets the task prompt as strictly being about academic studying.
Ensure main arguments directly address the broader concept of achieving any goal through effort rather than limiting the discussion to schoolwork.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are logically structured around advantages and disadvantages, ensuring a clear overall progression.
Use a wider variety of transition words smoothly to avoid repetitive or mechanically placed cohesive devices.
Lexical Resource
The candidate uses basic vocabulary to convey meaning, but word choice is repetitive and noticeable spelling or word-form errors occur.
Expand academic vocabulary and practice precise collocations to express ideas more naturally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple sentence structures are attempted, but frequent grammatical and punctuation errors hinder precision throughout the text.
Review subject-verb agreement, verb patterns, and complex sentence structures to increase grammatical accuracy.