In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Sample Response
In many countries, it is common for children to be told that anything is possibleto be told anything is possible if they set their mindsmind to it. In my opinion, this can lead to great achievements, but for the majority engenders feelings of inadequacy.
Some people benefit from a positive emphasis on effort and achievement. The best examples of this come from the United States where every child is famouslywhere famously every child is encouraged to pursue their dreams, regardless of how ambitious or unrealistic they areno matter how aspirational and unrealistic. Those who succeed serve as role models and demonstrate the effectivenessevidence the efficacy of pushing children to try to achieve anything. For example, the number of successful entrepreneurs and artists from the U.S.A. who have left their mark globallywho have left their mark globally from the U.S.A is staggering and includes figures like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Michael Jackson, Warren Buffet, and Will Smith. These people often give encouraging interviews where they reiterate the importance of having passion and grit to achieve extraordinary successachieve transcendent fame.
However, the cases above are exceptions and considering them the rule only hurts the self-esteem of the general populace. When an individual is told they can accomplish anything through sheer determination and they then fail to become rich and successful, they have no one to blame but themselves. The truth about the connection between effort and achievement is more nuanced than the simplistic message typically given to childrenplatitude typically supplied to children. There is a complex interplay between talent, effort, and luck that contributes to great achievementsrequired to produce great achievements and all high achievers are influenced by factorsall high-achievers are subject to determining factors beyond simply hard work. Teaching children otherwise sets them up for self-doubt, disillusionment, and delusions of grandeur that will weigh on them throughout adulthood. Hard work is an essential ingredient but assuming that it guarantees successsupposing it guarantees success will only lead to resentment towards oneself and others.
In conclusion, while teaching children that hard work ensures achievement produces great individuals, overall, it breeds insecurity. Parents ought to instead encourage a positive mindset with less lofty expectations.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and develops both the motivational benefit and the psychological risk with persuasive explanation and relevant examples. Its main limitation is that the advantages discussion relies heavily on exceptional celebrity success and equates achievement with fame or wealth. The highest-priority improvement is to support that side with a broader, more representative example of how ambitious messaging benefits ordinary children.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both advantages and disadvantages are directly addressed through a clear position and well-developed supporting arguments.
Broaden the positive case beyond exceptional wealthy or famous individuals to make the discussion more representative and balanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically across purposeful paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and clear relationships between claims.
Make the transition from the celebrity examples to the broader disadvantage slightly more explicit to sharpen the argumentative progression.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced distinctions effectively, with only occasional slightly overstated or awkward choices.
Prefer measured expressions such as notable success over more inflated phrases such as transcendent fame when precision matters.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Refine occasional compressed clauses, especially in the thesis and conclusion, so their grammatical relationships read effortlessly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.