In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
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Sample Response
Kids are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough in some countries. While sometimes it might not workdo not work , I still think studying hard enough is the best way to be successfula successful people for children.
One major advantage is that studying hard enough can help children enhance their career prospects and earning potential. From children's perspectiveIn children's sight, play is the most important thing in their liveslife. So, as their parents or teachers, we should try our best to encourage children to spend more time studying instead of playing. It is very necessary. For instance, Dongmingzhu, a very famous Chinese businesswomanchinese woman bussinessman. Once She said in a report, when she was in primary school, she loved playing games very much rather than studying. So her mother kept telling her that she should study more and encouraging her. After that, she started tryingtry hard and finally she became very successful. Consequently, thisThis way can not only help improve children's skill sets and knowledge base, but also strengthen their interest in studying.
However, one key disadvantage is that overstudyingover-study may lead to failurefail. Trying hard enough doesis not mean that children are supposed to study from morningmoring to evening. This is definitelydefinately wrong. The right way is that we should combine study with play, but spend more time studying. If children spend all day studying, they can not only feel tired, but also lose motivationloss the motivations for studying. For example, why many students in small Chinese countieschinese small county spend the most time studying, but get the worst academic performanceperformances in the end? It is resulted by this.
In conclusion, encouraging children to try hard enough is a workable way, but we should be mindful of the limitsnotice the degree about it.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response effectively addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of encouraging children to work hard, maintaining a clear overall structure. However, the essay narrows the topic almost entirely to academic study rather than general achievements, and frequent grammatical errors alongside limited vocabulary control hinder precision. To improve, widen the thematic focus to cover general life goals and carefully proofread to eliminate basic structure and word form errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
You presented both advantages and disadvantages of the message, though the focus was narrowed mainly to studying rather than achieving general life goals.
Address the prompt broadly by discussing general life achievements such as sports, arts, and personal goals rather than focusing solely on academic studying.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses logical paragraphing to separate advantages and disadvantages with a broadly clear overall progression.
Improve sentence-to-sentence linking by using a wider variety of transition words and avoiding incomplete logical explanations.
Lexical Resource
You demonstrated some useful topical vocabulary, but noticeable spelling mistakes and word choice errors recur throughout the essay.
Focus on accurate word forms and correct spelling for common terms before attempting complex lexical items.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While the main ideas remain understandable, frequent errors in verb structures and sentence formations reduce grammatical accuracy.
Review basic clause patterns and verb phrase rules to ensure error-free simple and complex structures.