In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Sample Response
In many societies, it is widely believed thatIt is argued that children can achieve anything if they try hard enough. In my opinion, although this message can encourage children to persevere, it maytry hard, it may have significant drawbacks as well.some disadvantages.
On the one hand, this message has several advantages. One important advantage is that it can motivate children to exert their utmost effort.motivate children to try hard. When children face challenges or cannot complete tasks successfully, this message may encourage them to persist in their endeavors.continue trying. For example, if children receive unsatisfactory grades in school,get poor grades at school, they may spend more time studying. As a result, they can improve theirthey improve their performance. Additionally,Another reason for its advantage is that this message can give children more confidence. If children believe that they can achieve their goals through effortefforts, they may be more willing to try new things. Finally, they will become more confident.
On the other hand, this message gives children unrealistic expectations. This is because they cannot achieve everything solely by relying oncan not achieve anything only relying on working hard. Success also depends on other factors, such as opportunities or talent. Therefore, children may feel disappointed if they work hard but still fail to achieve theirthe goals. For instance, if children do not have enough talent for running, they may not run faster than professional runners. I think this message gives children unnecessary stress.
In conclusion, telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough can encourage them to work hard.encourage them work hard. They can improve themselves through this process. However, it may also put more pressure on them when they can not achieve their goals.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of encouraging children through hard work, maintaining a clear structure throughout. However, the response relies on repetitive vocabulary and basic sentence patterns, which slightly limits the overall sophistication. To elevate your writing, expand your range of vocabulary with synonyms and combine shorter sentences into more complex grammatical structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response clearly addresses both the positive and negative aspects of the prompt with relevant explanations.
Elaborate further on the real-world consequences in each body paragraph to strengthen your supporting arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into clear paragraphs with simple cohesive devices linking the ideas.
Vary your transition phrases to avoid overusing repetitive pointers like 'this message' at the start of sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is accurate enough to convey the main message clearly, but key words are frequently repeated.
Use a wider range of synonyms for phrases like 'try hard' and 'achieve goals' to demonstrate lexical resource.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentences are largely error-free and easy to understand, though they rely mostly on straightforward structures.
Incorporate a broader variety of complex clauses and check for minor verb pattern errors such as 'encourage them to work'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.