In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Sample Response
It is argued that children can achieve anything if they try hard enough. In my opinion, although this message can encourage children to persevere,try hard, it may have some disadvantages.
On the one hand, this message has several advantages. One important advantage is that it can motivate children to put in their best effort.try hard. When children face challenges or cannot complete tasks successfully, this message may encourage them to continue trying. For example, if children get poor grades at school, they may spend more time studying. As a result, they can improve their performance. Another key benefitAnother reason for its advantage is that this message can give children more confidence. If children believe that they can achieve their goals through sustained effortthrough efforts, they may be more willing to try new things. Finally, they will become more confident.
On the other hand, this message gives children unrealistic expectations. This is because they cannot achieve everything solely through hard worksolely by relying on working hard. Success also depends on other factors, such as opportunities or talent. Therefore, children may feel disappointed if they work hard but still fail to achieve theirthe goals. For instance, if children do not have enough natural athletic talenttalent for running, they may not run faster than professional runners. I think this message places unnecessary stress on childrengives children unnecessary stress.
In conclusion, telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough can encourage them to work hard. They can improve themselves through this process. However, it may also put more pressure on them when they can not achieve their goals.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay directly addresses both the positive and negative aspects of telling children they can achieve anything with effort, maintaining a clear structure throughout. While the main arguments are logical and supported, the language relies on repetitive phrasing and basic sentence structures. To enhance the overall quality, focus on varying vocabulary choices and incorporating more complex grammatical constructions to connect ideas fluidly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the prompt are directly addressed with clear main ideas and relevant supporting examples.
Elaborate further on the real-world consequences of these arguments to provide deeper analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized logically into distinct paragraphs with a clear overall progression.
Use a wider variety of transition words and referencing devices to avoid repeating basic cohesive markers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is used appropriately to convey meaning clearly, though there is noticeable repetition of key phrases.
Incorporate synonyms for recurring terms like 'try hard' and 'this message' to demonstrate broader lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Structures are predominantly accurate and clear, relying mostly on simple and conditional sentence patterns.
Introduce a broader mix of complex grammatical forms, such as passive voice and relative clauses, to improve structural variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.