In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many parents, especially Asian ones, tend to teach their children always to try hardeducate their children to always try hard because as long as they do so, they will certainly succeedthey certainly will be successful. I think there are many advantages as well as disadvantagesas well disadvantages to this philosophy.
It is undeniable that there are many benefits to giving children this messagetelling children so. The first reason, obvious as it is, is that this will encourage children to become much more diligent. Self-discipline is one of the most difficult traits for almost anyone to developthe most difficult trait to develop for almost anyone, and telling children that success awaits them if they work hard incentivizes them to become self-disciplined. As a result, they stand a better chance of being successful since they are more goal-oriented and determined. Another reason is that these children will showexhibit appreciation for hard-working people. They will perceive these people as sharing their own desire to succeedas also wanting to be successful like them and thus appreciate their diligence. Therefore, these children willwould be more grateful and humble towards other people.
However, there are certain disadvantages to teaching children to expect success once they have worked hard. The first disadvantage is that these children may overlook other factorscan ignore other factors for success, such as natural talent, soft skills, attitude, or connections. For example, a child might be so engrossed in one's studies that one neglects to make friends, which might serve as crucial connections many years later. The second disadvantage is that children will become excessively self-criticalshow self-deprecating behaviors if this philosophy fails them. For example, when children study hard for their university entrance exam but cannot get into their dream school, they will blame themselves for not working hard enough. In the long run, this will be mentally exhausting for them.
In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to telling children that once they work hard, success will come. Generally, I think parents should encourage their children to work hard to achieve successwork hard for their success, but diligence should not be the only factor leading to success.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its balanced structure and clear development of several relevant advantages and disadvantages, supported by generally effective examples. Its main limitation is that some claims, particularly the link between diligence and humility or useful future connections, are somewhat speculative and expressed awkwardly. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen each causal explanation with more precise, convincing reasoning and consistently natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages clearly, with relevant main ideas and generally developed support.
Develop the less convincing claims more carefully by explaining exactly how the message leads to the stated outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally make the argument easy to follow.
Vary transitions and tighten reference chains so links do not rely on repetitive labels such as first reason and second disadvantage.
Lexical Resource
A sufficiently wide vocabulary conveys the argument precisely overall, although several collocations and word choices are awkward.
Use more natural expressions for ideas such as self-blame, appreciation of effort, and the role of social relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, despite occasional agreement, pronoun, and parallel-form errors.
Proofread for small structural slips, especially missing paired words, inconsistent generic pronouns, and shifts between will and would.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.