In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Sample Response
In many cultures, children are often told that theyIt is argued that children can achieve anything if they try hard enough. In my opinion, although this message can encourage children to persevere, it maytry hard, it may lead to significant psychological drawbacks.have some disadvantages.
On the one hand, this message has several advantages. One important advantage is that it can motivate children to exert effort.motivate children to try hard. When children face challenges or cannot complete tasks successfully, this message may encourage them to continue trying. For example, if children get poor grades at school, they may spend more time studying. As a result, they can improveAs a result, they improve their performance. Another key benefit is that this message can give children more confidence. If children believe that they can achieve their goals through effortefforts, they may be more willing to try new things. Finally, they will become more confident.
On the other hand, this message gives children unrealistic expectations. Specifically, individualsThis is because they cannot achieve everything solely through hard work.solely by relying on working hard. Success also depends on other factors, such as opportunities or talent. Therefore, children may feel disappointed if they work hard but still fail to achieve theirthe goals. For instance, if children do not have enough natural athletic aptitude,talent for running, they might never outrunthey may not run faster than professional runners. I think this message gives children unnecessary stress.
In conclusion, telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough can encourage them to work hard. They can improve themselves through this process. However, it may also impose severe psychological pressure on themput more pressure on them when they can not achieve their goals.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay effectively addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of encouraging children through hard work, presenting a clear and logical stance throughout. However, the development of ideas remains somewhat simple, and the response falls just short of the recommended word count. To boost your score, expand your supporting examples with more depth and vary your vocabulary to avoid repeating key phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the prompt are directly addressed with relevant main points regarding both advantages and disadvantages.
Elaborate on your main arguments with more detailed real-world examples to meet the word count effortlessly and show deeper analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organized logically into clear paragraphs with simple, effective transition words.
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph linking phrases to avoid repeating basic transitional words like 'on the one hand' and 'for example'.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is accurate and sufficient to convey meaning, though repetitive phrases are noticeable.
Use synonyms and paraphrasing for repeated expressions such as 'this message' and 'try hard' to demonstrate broader lexical resource.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures are predominantly error-free and clear, showing good control over basic and compound grammar.
Attempt a wider variety of complex structures, such as conditional sentences and relative clauses, to enhance grammatical flexibility.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.