In order to solve traffic problems, governments should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution?
Sample Response
Following the industrialisation, the car has become one of the most commonly owned items. With cars we can travel miles within minutes, it made our life so much easier. However, all the things have two sides, cars bring us convenience but it also creates problems for us. Almost every major city on earth is suffering from the heavy amount of traffics on roads which often cause congestion. It waste the time of people, cause pollution due to the harmful gas eliminated by cars, also makes people feel frustrated. If the government decides to impose a heavy tax on private car owners, some people will probably get rid of the excessive cars. When people make the decision to purchase a car, they will also take the cost of heavy taxes into considerations, and may, in the end, postpone their plan of having a car. The policy can restrict the growing demand for cars. However, since the tax applies to all private cars. Thus, the tax will increase the financial burden for car owners. There are no discriminations between the cars in major cities and the cars in the rural and remote areas. This means it may not restrict the amount of car flow in the central business district in the city, where the traffic problem is more severe. Some of the people who are not in a good financial position, but must have a car to travel to work will suffer. If they cannot afford the tax, they will dispose their cars and loose their jobs. In summary, I reckon the government should take all these factors into consideration before start taxing private car owners. The government should come out with a better solution that pinpoints the traffic jam, but not private cars in generally.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article use Original: Following the industrialisation Suggested revision: Following industrialisation Why it matters: No article is needed when referring to the general historical process.
- 2. Comma splice Original: With cars we can travel miles within minutes, it made our life so much easier. Suggested revision: With cars, we can travel miles within minutes, and this has made our lives much easier. Why it matters: Two independent clauses cannot be joined only with a comma.
- 3. Natural expression Original: all the things have two sides Suggested revision: every issue has two sides Why it matters: This is a more natural academic expression.
- 4. Plural reference Original: it also creates problems Suggested revision: they also create problems Why it matters: Cars is plural, so the pronoun and verb should be plural.
- 5. Traffic collocation Original: the heavy amount of traffics Suggested revision: heavy traffic Why it matters: Traffic is uncountable here, and heavy traffic is the natural collocation.
- 6. Subject agreement Original: It waste the time Suggested revision: It wastes people's time Why it matters: The singular subject requires wastes, and the revised phrase is more natural.
- 7. Wrong verb Original: harmful gas eliminated by cars Suggested revision: harmful gases emitted by cars Why it matters: Cars emit gases; eliminate has the wrong meaning here.
- 8. Precise noun phrase Original: excessive cars Suggested revision: unnecessary cars Why it matters: Excessive describes degree, not naturally the cars themselves.
- 9. Fixed phrase Original: take the cost of heavy taxes into considerations Suggested revision: take the cost of heavy taxes into consideration Why it matters: The fixed expression uses singular consideration.
- 10. Fragment Original: However, since the tax applies to all private cars. Thus, Suggested revision: However, since the tax applies to all private cars, Why it matters: Since introduces a dependent clause, so the original full stop creates a fragment.
- 11. Word choice Original: There are no discriminations Suggested revision: The policy does not distinguish Why it matters: Discriminations is unnatural here; distinguish expresses the policy problem more precisely.
- 12. Traffic term Original: the amount of car flow Suggested revision: the volume of traffic Why it matters: Traffic volume is the standard phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- Following the industrialisation Following industrialisation
- With cars we can travel miles within minutes, it made our life so much easier. With cars, we can travel miles within minutes, and this has made our lives much easier.
- all the things have two sides every issue has two sides
- it also creates problems they also create problems
- the heavy amount of traffics heavy traffic
- It waste the time It wastes people's time
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response covers both advantages and disadvantages of heavy taxes on private car owners, but it does not develop how the tax revenue would improve public transportation, which is a central part of the question.
Add one body paragraph explaining the public-transport benefit, such as funding buses, trains, lower fares, or better service frequency.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas generally move from background to benefits and drawbacks, but the whole essay is one paragraph and several sentence links are faulty or mechanical.
Use four clear paragraphs: introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion, with topic sentences for each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, with terms such as congestion, financial burden, and central business district, but there are several unnatural collocations and word-form errors.
Replace awkward phrases with natural traffic-policy language, such as traffic volume, exhaust emissions, car ownership, and targeted congestion charges.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually clear, but there are frequent agreement, plural, article, and sentence-boundary errors, especially in longer clauses.
Check each sentence for a clear subject and finite verb, then correct singular/plural agreement and avoid fragments after linking words.