minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Sample Response
(Both men and women have an equal role)
Many people believe women make better parents than men since the dawn of the time. Throughout the history, women have a great role in raising children in many societies and some other people claim men make good parents than women. The issue whether or not women make better parents than men is always a debatable issue. Strong arguments are there from both the sides and let us discuss in a detailed way.
Firstly, children are always attached to the mother and feel free to reach out for anything. An instance illustrating this in action is almost all of my friends are attached to my mother rather than my father. It is obvious from this that mother has a greater role in children brought up. In addition to this, Mother is a good role model for their children and children always try to follow them and naturally a mother can become a better parent than the father. For example, every child shares their happiness or sorrow to the mother first. This makes clear women make better parents than men.
There is always another side of the coin. Currently, both men and women are working in all families and children are attached equally. For example, kids of my friends are attached equally to both father and mother. This clearly shows that men also make better parents. In addition to that, men started sharing the responsibility of children and children also slowly reaching to father also. So it has proven than men also better parents than women.
Thus it is recommended that men or women both can make good parents and take responsibility of their children. It is better to share the responsibilities as much as sharing love.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the article Original: since the dawn of the time Suggested revision: since the dawn of time Why it matters: The fixed expression is “the dawn of time,” without “the” before “time.”
- 2. Remove the article Original: Throughout the history Suggested revision: Throughout history Why it matters: “History” takes no article when referring generally to the past.
- 3. Use the correct tense Original: women have a great role Suggested revision: women have played a major role Why it matters: The present perfect verb “have played” correctly describes a role continuing through history.
- 4. Use a concise contrast Original: some other people Suggested revision: others Why it matters: “Others” expresses the contrasting group more concisely.
- 5. Fix the comparison Original: men make good parents than women Suggested revision: men are as good at parenting as women Why it matters: Equality requires the structure “as … as,” not “than.”
- 6. Remove redundant words Original: The issue whether or not Suggested revision: Whether or not Why it matters: The whether-clause can function directly as the subject without “The issue.”
- 7. Use a possessive determiner Original: the Suggested revision: their Why it matters: A possessive determiner is needed to relate the mother to the children.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: mother has a greater role in children brought up Suggested revision: a mother plays a greater role in bringing up children Why it matters: “Play a role in bringing up children” is the natural construction.
- 9. Fix reference and article Original: Mother is a good role model for their children Suggested revision: A mother is a good role model for her children Why it matters: A general singular noun needs an article and consistent singular pronoun reference.
- 10. Fix pronoun reference Original: follow them Suggested revision: follow her example Why it matters: The singular referent “a mother” requires “her,” and “follow her example” states the idea clearly.
- 11. Correct the preposition Original: shares their happiness or sorrow to the mother Suggested revision: shares their happiness or sorrow with their mother Why it matters: People share feelings “with” someone, not “to” someone.
- 12. Complete the clause Original: This makes clear women Suggested revision: This makes it clear that women Why it matters: The structure requires the object “it” and the conjunction “that.”
Suggested Rewrites
- since the dawn of the time since the dawn of time
- Throughout the history Throughout history
- women have a great role women have played a major role
- some other people others
- men make good parents than women men are as good at parenting as women
- The issue whether or not Whether or not
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response gives both viewpoints and ultimately states that mothers and fathers should share parenting, while its paragraph sequence makes the broad direction easy to follow. However, the ideas are repetitive and supported by unclear or weakly relevant examples, and frequent language errors reduce precision; the main priority is to formulate a clear position from the introduction and develop each side with distinct, logically explained evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The main viewpoints are addressed and a final position is given, but development is limited, repetitive, and sometimes supported by confusing personal examples.
State the equal-parenting position clearly in the introduction and support each main claim with one specific, logically relevant explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has recognisable paragraphing and overall progression, although linking is formulaic and ideas within paragraphs are often repetitive.
Give each paragraph one distinct controlling idea and use referencing or logical transitions instead of repeated phrases such as "This clearly shows."
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for discussing parenting, but repetition and frequent inaccurate word combinations restrict flexibility and precision.
Build accurate topic collocations such as "raise children," "share childcare responsibilities," and "form an emotional bond" and avoid repeating "attached."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some varied structures are attempted, but frequent errors in tense, comparison, agreement, articles, and sentence construction are noticeable throughout.
Focus on accurate comparative forms and complete clause patterns, especially structures such as "better parents than" and "children are gradually becoming closer to their fathers."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.