minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Sample Response
Parental responsibilities and roles are very important for the parents to make their children prepared for the future. The way a father or mother treats a child affects greatly for his/her future growth both mentally and physically. If parents fail to take great care of their children, then those children might go astray and will claim their parents for their misfortune. Every mother and father love his or her children more than anything in this world and they expect them to be great persons and well established in future. Throughout the human history, mothers mainly take care of the children and do most of the works for the children. On the contrary, men are mainly busy outside the home to earn the living for the whole family.
This is not to say that men are not of importance in children caring and they do not know their kids. They are most necessary if children are to appreciate fully the roles of both sexes. But women have proven themselves superior parents as a result of their condition, their less aggressive natures and they are generally better to communicate with kids. Men remain busy at their works and have to stay outside the home most of the time, but women have lots of spare times to share with their children. From the time they are little girls, females learn about nurturing. First with dolls and later perhaps with younger brothers and sisters; girls are given the role of career. Girls see their mothers in the same roles and so it is natural that they identify this as a female activity. Boys, in contrast, learn competitive roles far removed from what it means to nurture. While boys may dream of adventures, girls' conditioning means they tend to see the future in terms of raising families. Girls also appear to be less aggressive than boys. In adulthood, it is men, not women, who prove to be the aggressors in crime and in war. Obviously, in raising children, a more patient, gentle manner is preferable than a more aggressive one. Although there certainly exists gentlemen and aggressive women, by and large, females are less likely to resort to violence in attempting to solve problems.
But if we consider that all women are good for their children and men can not raise a kid properly then perhaps it would be a partial judgment. Is not there any family where the mother has died or not present and it is the father who takes care of the children as well as does jobs outside? Certainly, there are lots. In third world countries, fathers are comparatively more educated than the mothers and the take care of their children's education greatly. A child needs the affection and caring of both father and mother.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix verb placement Original: affects greatly for Suggested revision: greatly affects Why it matters: The adverb should precede the verb here, and affect does not take for before its object.
- 2. Use the correct verb Original: claim Suggested revision: blame Why it matters: Blame, rather than claim, expresses holding someone responsible for a misfortune.
- 3. Fix subject agreement Original: love Suggested revision: loves Why it matters: A subject introduced by every takes a singular verb.
- 4. Add the article Original: well established in future Suggested revision: well established in the future Why it matters: The fixed time expression is in the future.
- 5. Remove the article Original: the human history Suggested revision: human history Why it matters: History used in this broad sense does not take the definite article.
- 6. Use uncountable work Original: most of the works for the children Suggested revision: most of the childcare work Why it matters: Work is uncountable here, and childcare states the intended activity precisely.
- 7. Correct the expression Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: Earn a living is the standard expression.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: of importance in children caring Suggested revision: important in caring for children Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the correct gerund construction and natural word order.
- 9. Use the correct pattern Original: better to communicate with kids Suggested revision: better at communicating with children Why it matters: Better at followed by a gerund is required when describing ability.
- 10. Use the fixed phrase Original: at their works Suggested revision: at work Why it matters: At work is the standard uncountable expression for being occupied by employment.
- 11. Use uncountable time Original: lots of spare times Suggested revision: plenty of spare time Why it matters: Time is uncountable when referring generally to available time.
- 12. Correct the word choice Original: career Suggested revision: carer Why it matters: Carer means someone who looks after another person, whereas career means an occupation.
Suggested Rewrites
- affects greatly for greatly affects
- claim blame
- love loves
- well established in future well established in the future
- the human history human history
- most of the works for the children most of the childcare work
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response explores both perspectives at length and supports its claims with a range of explanations and examples, ending with a recognisable view that children benefit from both parents. Its main weakness is an uneven position: much of the essay asserts female superiority before the final paragraph substantially qualifies that claim. A clearer thesis, balanced paragraphing, and more controlled sentence-level accuracy would make the argument substantially more convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored with relevant development, but the writer's final position is not established consistently throughout the response.
Present the qualified view that both parents matter in the introduction and use each body paragraph to build toward it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has an identifiable progression, but very long paragraphs and some abrupt shifts weaken balance and local cohesion.
Divide the extended discussion into focused paragraphs for female strengths, male contributions, and the final synthesis.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad vocabulary for parenting and social roles, though frequent awkward collocations and word-choice slips reduce precision.
Replace expressions such as children caring, role of career, and spare times with accurate, natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument, but recurring agreement, article, preposition, and sentence-construction errors remain noticeable.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and accurate clause construction, especially in long sentences and rhetorical questions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.