minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
(Women make better parents)
Mother and father both play a crucial role in the upbringing of children. Some people assert that women triumph over men to make better parents. In contrary to this, others claim that men are as good as women in parenting. This is very perplexing for anyone to choose one. According to me, women make better parents.
In support of my point of view, a mother is one of the first persons who gets attached to the child from the birth. A child spends most of his time, his childhood with the mother. So a child is more influenced by the mother. Secondly, a mother is the only person who takes all sorts of care of the child, like- feeding, bathing etc. Thus, mother occupies most of the child's time. This makes a strong bond between them. When a child becomes a little older and starts to go school, a mother takes care of that child's study, homework, assignment, projects etc. By this, a mother plays a crucial role in a child's education. In addition, a child learns moral values which are main ingredients to become good human from the mother.
In our society, usually we find that women spend most of the time at home and men are only breadwinners. In this type of situation, the person who can spend a chunk of the time for the nourishment of a child is a woman. Thus, women can keep her eyes on every small activity of children. Apart from that, owing to closer relationship children's shares it's emotions and problems with the mother first. Thus, mother knows her child better than anyone.
On the flip side, to maintain the status of men, they argue that men are as good as women. In spite of spending less time with the child a man earn for his child. A father makes future of the child financially secure. As financial security is as important as building child's personality.
To conclude, both women and men are equally important. But in our society women are superior to men in better parenting as they rear child very well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use generic plurals Original: Mother and father both Suggested revision: Mothers and fathers both Why it matters: Plural nouns are needed for a general statement about parents.
- 2. Use natural comparison Original: women triumph over men to make better parents Suggested revision: women are better parents than men Why it matters: "Triumph over" does not naturally describe comparative parenting ability.
- 3. Correct contrast phrase Original: In contrary to this Suggested revision: In contrast Why it matters: "In contrast" is the correct linker for presenting the opposing claim.
- 4. Correct comparison pattern Original: men are as good as women in parenting Suggested revision: men are as good at parenting as women Why it matters: The pattern is "as good at X as" when comparing ability in an activity.
- 5. State view naturally Original: According to me Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: "In my view" is the idiomatic phrase for introducing a personal opinion.
- 6. Correct noun phrase Original: gets attached to the child from the birth Suggested revision: forms an attachment to the child from birth Why it matters: The revision uses a natural verb-noun combination and removes the unnecessary article.
- 7. Remove faulty apposition Original: most of his time, his childhood Suggested revision: most of his childhood Why it matters: The original phrase incorrectly places two non-equivalent time expressions in apposition.
- 8. Format examples clearly Original: like- feeding, bathing etc. Suggested revision: such as feeding and bathing Why it matters: "Such as" introduces the examples cleanly without the incorrect hyphen or vague abbreviation.
- 9. Add article Original: Thus, mother occupies Suggested revision: Thus, a mother occupies Why it matters: The singular countable noun "mother" requires an article in this general statement.
- 10. Add preposition Original: starts to go school Suggested revision: starts going to school Why it matters: The conventional expression is "go to school".
- 11. Use plural noun Original: that child's study Suggested revision: the child's studies Why it matters: "Studies" is the natural plural noun for a child's schoolwork.
- 12. Make list consistent Original: homework, assignment, projects etc. Suggested revision: homework, assignments and projects Why it matters: Parallel plural count nouns and a final conjunction make the list grammatically complete.
Suggested Rewrites
- Mother and father both Mothers and fathers both
- women triumph over men to make better parents women are better parents than men
- In contrary to this In contrast
- men are as good as women in parenting men are as good at parenting as women
- According to me In my view
- gets attached to the child from the birth forms an attachment to the child from birth
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear preference for mothers as primary caregivers and supports it with several relevant points about time, care, education, and emotional closeness. However, the reasoning relies heavily on broad assumptions, the treatment of fathers is limited, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce fluency. The highest-priority improvement is to develop a more balanced, evidence-based comparison while correcting sentence-level accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear viewpoint is presented and supported with several relevant ideas, though some claims are generalized and the opposing perspective is thinly developed.
Support the comparison with more nuanced reasoning about parenting roles rather than relying mainly on traditional household arrangements.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a recognizable progression with appropriate paragraphing, but some linking is mechanical and several short or incomplete sentences disrupt flow.
Connect closely related claims into fuller logical sequences and reduce reliance on formulaic transitions such as thus and on the flip side.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss parenting roles and responsibilities, but awkward word choice and collocation are frequent.
Use more natural expressions for parental influence, supervision, emotional disclosure, child development, and financial provision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, pronouns, possessives, and sentence completeness limit control.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and possessive forms, then revise fragments so every sentence contains a complete main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Your response
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