minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Sample Response
In order to be a great human being in future, a child should be raised with great moral standards at home. The topic whether women or men get a major role in raising the children is a huge debate nowadays. I think both of the parents share equal credit in raising kids. Let’s ponder on the advantages on both sides.
Primarily, women are often treated as great caretakers and also the one for great future of the kids. Children spend a major chunk of their time with their mums. So, women get to teach kids on how to be a better person in the society and also on how to be a great human being. She provides nutritious foods to the children which help them to become healthy. Children learn about how to take care of others from their mums because mothers always take good care of their children. This instils a great sense of responsibility in the children.
Secondarily, men (father) are termed as their ideal person for children. Men always struggle so much in order to win bread for the family. This struggle teaches kids to study better with a dream to help the family financially in future. Fathers are often a source of inspiration for children on how to be a strong and better person in life. This helps them to grow as better and responsible citizens in future.
After looking at advantages from both sides of the argument, I conclude that both men and women share equal proportion in raising the children. Even if the proportion is not balanced, there will be a huge impact on the children. So both father and mothers hold a major role in the family.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: a great human being in future Suggested revision: a good person in the future Why it matters: This wording expresses the intended personal development more naturally.
- 2. Correct collocation Original: with great moral standards Suggested revision: with strong moral values Why it matters: Children are normally described as being raised with moral values rather than standards.
- 3. Correct whether structure Original: The topic whether Suggested revision: The question of whether Why it matters: The noun “question” takes an “of whether” clause in this construction.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: get a major role Suggested revision: have the greater role Why it matters: People “have” a role, and “greater” makes the comparison explicit.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: is a huge debate nowadays Suggested revision: is widely debated nowadays Why it matters: A question is debated; it is not itself “a debate.”
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: both of the parents Suggested revision: both parents Why it matters: The general reference requires “both parents” without “of the.”
- 7. Clarify parental role Original: credit Suggested revision: responsibility Why it matters: “Responsibility” more precisely describes participation in raising children.
- 8. Correct verb pattern Original: ponder on Suggested revision: consider Why it matters: “Consider” takes the object directly and suits the intended meaning.
- 9. Clarify comparison Original: the advantages on both sides Suggested revision: the contributions of both parents Why it matters: The essay compares parental contributions rather than advantages held by two sides.
- 10. Use precise wording Original: treated as great caretakers Suggested revision: regarded as capable caregivers Why it matters: This wording is more natural and precise in a discussion of parenting.
- 11. Repair noun phrase Original: also the one for great future of the kids Suggested revision: as central to their children’s futures Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a clear grammatical relationship between women and the children’s futures.
- 12. Use formal quantity Original: a major chunk Suggested revision: a large proportion Why it matters: “A large proportion” is more suitable for an academic essay.
Suggested Rewrites
- a great human being in future a good person in the future
- with great moral standards with strong moral values
- The topic whether The question of whether
- get a major role have the greater role
- is a huge debate nowadays is widely debated nowadays
- both of the parents both parents
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear view that mothers and fathers deserve equal credit and organises its support into distinct discussions of each parent’s contribution. Its main weakness is that the examples rely on broad generalisations and repeatedly use vague terms such as “great” and “better,” while grammar errors reduce precision. The priority is to explain complementary parenting roles with more specific language and controlled agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and both parents’ roles are discussed with relevant explanations, but the reasoning is somewhat generalised and not explored in depth.
Explain how caregiving and financial or motivational support can be shared rather than assigning each function broadly by gender.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion create clear progression, although formulaic transitions and repeated ideas make the argument mechanical.
Use topic sentences that directly compare parental contributions and link the conclusion back to that comparison without repetition.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but repetition and awkward collocations such as “get a major role,” “win bread,” and “share equal proportion” limit precision.
Use more exact phrases such as take a leading role, provide for the family, and share equal responsibility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains understandable, but errors with agreement, articles, pronouns, plurals, and prepositions occur throughout the essay.
Check agreement in sentences about mothers, fathers, and children, and proofread article and plural choices in each noun phrase.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.