minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Sample Response
(Women make better parents than men)
Raising children is definitely a very challenging task for the parents. Children need great care and support as well as enough time to be devoted to them daily to educate them with good manners. In most of the societies, this is the female role. In other societies, however, it may be the father who has taken over this task or both parents contribute equally.
In the majority of the societies since men do the outdoor tasks and are employed, the women spend most of their time at home and part of their task is raising the children. Being available all the time is necessary for parenting. A father who is working outside all day is probably not very suitable for this.
On top of this, women tend to be more affectionate and caring by nature than men. A parent needs to be kind, passionate and patient especially during early childhood, periods of sickness and so on.
On the other hand, children feel more comfortable and close to their mothers. Often, children go to their mother when there is any problem arising or for help. This is most probably because the very first person that an infant sees is the mother. All the breastfeeding and cuddling leads to the development of affection and love between the mother and the infant, and this is seen to persist all the way to adulthood. Hence, children prefer their mother to be parenting them.
In conclusion, I believe that women make better parents than men, because of their inherent nature and the love and affection they have for children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the generic article Original: task for the parents Suggested revision: task for parents Why it matters: Parents takes no article when referring to parents in general.
- 2. Use a concise passive phrase Original: time to be devoted to them daily Suggested revision: time devoted to them each day Why it matters: The replacement removes the unnecessary infinitive and uses a natural time expression.
- 3. Use the manners collocation Original: educate them with good manners Suggested revision: teach them good manners Why it matters: Teach someone good manners is the natural collocation.
- 4. Remove the generic article Original: In most of the societies Suggested revision: In most societies Why it matters: Societies takes no definite article after most when the reference is general.
- 5. Name the role clearly Original: this is the female role Suggested revision: this is seen as the mother's role Why it matters: The replacement identifies the parenting role more precisely while preserving the claim.
- 6. Simplify and add comma Original: In the majority of the societies since Suggested revision: In most societies, since Why it matters: The concise opening needs a comma before the reason introduced by since.
- 7. Avoid redundant work wording Original: do the outdoor tasks and are employed Suggested revision: work outside the home Why it matters: The replacement states the employment arrangement directly without repeating the same idea.
- 8. Remove the generic article Original: the women spend Suggested revision: women spend Why it matters: Women takes no article when referring to women in general.
- 9. Use natural role wording Original: part of their task is raising the children Suggested revision: part of their role is raising children Why it matters: Role is the natural term for a responsibility, and children is general here.
- 10. Use a precise time phrase Original: all the time Suggested revision: throughout the day Why it matters: The replacement states the intended daily availability more precisely.
- 11. Clarify the availability point Original: not very suitable for this Suggested revision: less available for daily childcare Why it matters: The replacement connects the stated work schedule directly to daily parenting availability.
- 12. Use a formal connector Original: On top of this Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: Furthermore is a more concise academic transition to the next supporting point.
Suggested Rewrites
- task for the parents task for parents
- time to be devoted to them daily time devoted to them each day
- educate them with good manners teach them good manners
- In most of the societies In most societies
- this is the female role this is seen as the mother's role
- In the majority of the societies since In most societies, since
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear position and develops several relevant reasons, especially parental availability and early emotional bonding, within a logical paragraph structure. Its main limitation is that the support relies on broad gender generalisations and occasionally imprecise vocabulary, so the comparison with capable fathers remains underexplored. Acknowledge relevant counterexamples and distinguish caregiving circumstances from inherent gender traits, while refining terms such as "compassionate" and "raise children."
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is consistent and supported by several relevant explanations, although the reasoning depends heavily on generalisations about mothers and working fathers.
Test the position against examples of equally available and caring fathers, then explain why the preferred conclusion still follows.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is organised into clear stages with effective progression from availability to temperament, bonding and conclusion.
Make the fourth paragraph's relationship to the previous point clearer, since "On the other hand" incorrectly suggests a contrasting idea.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for childcare and emotional bonds, but some choices such as "passionate" and "parenting them" are inaccurate.
Use "compassionate," "raise children" and "teach them good manners" to express the ideas more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used with generally clear meaning, though article, agreement, punctuation and clause-pattern errors remain noticeable.
Revise phrases such as "in most societies," "breastfeeding and cuddling lead" and "children prefer their mothers to care for them."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.