The charts show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 taking part in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003.
Sample Response
The bar charts compare the percentagesThe given bar charts illustrate the proportions of Australian boys and girls aged 5 to 14 years oldyears-old who participated in sports and fourdifferent cultural activities in 2003.
Overall,In general, it can be seen that while dancing was the most popular cultural activity for girls, boys were most likely to play musical instrumentshad a strong tendency for playing musical instruments. With regardregards to sports, a higher percentage of boys than girls participated in sports activitiesa higher percentage of boys participated in sports activities compared to girls in the same age group.
In 2003, 5% of girls aged 5 to 14 participated in drama and singingparticipated in drama and singing activities, which was approximately 1 percentage point higher than the figure for boys in the same activitiesapproximately 2% higher than the figure for boys in the same activities. Meanwhile, 25% of girls took part in dancing activities, compared to only 2% of boys. In contrast, the proportion of girls whothat played a musical instrument was 10%, which waswas only 10%, which was only two-thirds of the figure for boys in the same category.
Regarding sports participationWhen it came to playing sport, there was a participation rate of about 70% among boys aged 5 to 14participation rate of about 70% of 5 to 14 year-old boys, which was around 20 percentage points higher than that for girlsaround 20% higher than that of girls, at just over 50%.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview, selects the most important gender contrasts, and organises the two charts into an easy-to-follow account. Its main limitation is minor numerical imprecision, particularly the claim that girls were about two percentage points above boys in both drama and singing, when each gap is closer to one point. The priority is to verify small differences carefully while refining a few awkward grammatical forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main features of both charts are clearly identified and supported with relevant comparisons, with only a minor overstatement of the drama and singing gaps.
Read small bar differences more precisely and report the drama and singing gaps as about one percentage point rather than two.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and detail paragraphs follow a clear sequence, and comparisons are connected smoothly without unnecessary repetition.
Strengthen the link between the two detail paragraphs by signalling more directly that the final paragraph shifts from cultural activities to sport.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific and comparative vocabulary conveys the data clearly, despite occasional awkward collocations such as a tendency for playing.
Use more natural phrasing, for example musical instruments were the most popular cultural activity among boys.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good control, although forms such as 5 to 14 years-old and with regards to contain minor errors.
Use aged 5 to 14 or 5- to 14-year-old and the fixed phrase with regard to when editing the final response.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 taking part in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003.
Your response
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