The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The line graph compares visitors to two music websites which were recently launched online. In general, the number of visitors to these websites fluctuated but after day 11, both sites generally received more visitorsafter day 11, both sites received a higher number of visitors. Besides, more people visited Pop Parade on most daysmore people visited pop parade music site than Music Choicethan they did to the music choice site. According to the diagram, pop parade music website was visited by 120 thousand people on the first day, whereas music choice received 40 thousand visitsgot 40 thousand browsers on the same day. During the first week, Pop Parade’s visitor countpop parade’s visitor count showed an overall downward trend and on day seven both sites received justroughly over 20 thousand visitors. However, overall visitors in the first week to Pop Parade werevisitors in the first week to the pop parade was significantly greater than that of music choice. Interestingly, visitors to pop parade site rose sharplyoverwhelmingly increased after day 9 and it witnessed a sharp increasegreat hike in the number of visitors on day 11 with around 150 thousand visitsusers. On this day, the other site was visited by just over 20 thousand peoplebrowsed by only over 20 thousand people. After sharp dips on days 12 and 13With a sharp dip on day 12 and 13, pop parade’s visitors went as high as 170 thousand on day 15. Music choice, on the contrary, recorded its highest figuresaccumulated the highest hits on daysday 12 and 14, which was around 120 thousand a day.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report selects several useful figures and broadly communicates the contrasting patterns of the two websites, with varied language for changes. Its main weakness is an overgeneralised overview and crowded organisation, which obscure the brief lead taken by Music Choice on days 12 and 13. Prioritise a balanced overview, then separate the early movements from the later surges in clear detail paragraphs while using precise terms for visit counts.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers the main contrast between Pop Parade and Music Choice and includes several accurate key figures, although it slightly overgeneralises that Pop Parade was more popular throughout and misses Music Choice overtaking it on days 12 and 13.
Make the overview more balanced by noting Pop Parade led for most days, but Music Choice briefly became higher around days 12 and 13.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is clear overall progression, but the single long paragraph compresses many comparisons and makes the report feel crowded.
Use an overview paragraph and two shorter detail paragraphs, separating the early decline from the late surges.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for trends is varied and mostly effective, though words like “browsers”, “hits” and “accumulated” are less precise for visit counts.
Use consistent nouns such as visitors, visits, and figures, and reserve stronger verbs for genuinely sharp changes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally controlled, but some prepositions, articles and comparison structures are inaccurate.
Revise comparison phrases such as “visited the site” and “higher than that of”.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.