The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The graph shows the number of visits toexhibits the public interest of using two new music websites named Music Choice and Pop Parade over a 15-day periodin the period of 15 days’ time. According to the graph, the trends were totally unstable and swunghave swung extremely. The figures for Pop Parade showThe statistics of Pop Parade shows the starting point of 120,000 visits120000 visitors on the first day and decreased during the following 7days with the minimum number of visitors of 40000 on the 7th day. The fluctuation of Music Choice website wasn’t as extreme as the Pop Parade in the first week. Music Choice startedThe Music Choice started with 40000 visitors on the first dayin the 1st day and the same number of visitors on the 7th day with small amount of changes during this week. In the 2nd week, both websites attracted more visitorsboth of the websites had the increasing interest of visitors i.e. Pop Parade reached 140,000 visitsreached to 140000 visitors on the 11th day and Music Choice reached to 120000 on the 12th day, and after some oscillations, the websites ended the 15-day periodthe 15 day period with 180000 and 80000 respectively. According to the chart, the rate of 180000 was the maximum of viewers that belongs to Pop Parade and Pop Parade had more visitshas More public interest for the viewers altogether than the Music Choice within these two weeks. )
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response successfully captures the contrasting overall movements of both music websites and follows their changes across the fifteen-day period. Its main limitation is reduced clarity caused by a single dense body paragraph, frequent grammatical errors, awkward wording, and some imprecise figures or units. The highest-priority improvement is to organize the timeline into two clear stages and report visits in thousands with controlled tense, prepositions, and punctuation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers the main trends: Pop Parade starts high, drops, then finishes at the peak, while Music Choice fluctuates and rises sharply in the second week. Most figures are close, but the final Pop Parade value is overstated and the unit is not always clear.
State that the y-axis is in thousands of visits and compare the start, lows, peaks and final figures for both sites.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows the 15-day timeline, but after the introduction it becomes one long paragraph. Several figures are packed into long sentences, which weakens readability.
Use two body paragraphs: days 1 to 7 and days 8 to 15.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for fluctuations but includes awkward phrases such as public interest of using and rate of viewers.
Use visits, visitor numbers, fluctuated, peaked, dipped and finished at.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar and punctuation errors affect clarity, especially articles, tense, prepositions and the final stray parenthesis.
Proofread tense consistency, prepositions after reached, and sentence-final punctuation.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.