Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In the modern era, time is considered the most precious commoditytime is considered as the most precious commodity. Some people wish to devote their time to enhancing their careers, while othersWhile some people wish to devote their time enhancing their profession while others choose to spend it with their familyrelatives and friends. As far as I am concerned, there are merits and demerits to both opinions as improving one's career helpsimproving your careers helps provide for your family, on the other hand, it might distance people from their familiesdrive you away from your relatives. We will further investigate this below.
Firstly, some people are born ambitious and they want to be successful in their professional life, so they strive to achieve greater successthey thrive to achieve more success which benefits their families as they are able to provide them with better quality life. For instance, a research conducted in the US suggests that children who studychildren's who studying in top private schools have higher IQsIQ and are more confident than pupils studyingthe pupil studying in public schools.
Secondly, individuals who strive to improve their careers are actually helping their employers and companies theytheir work for to be more successful. For example, in healthcare, there are many employees in research and development departments who have helped their companies develop, test and launch different life-saving drugs thus, enabling their companies to be successful.
By contrastOn the contrary, some people are too busy in their work and are unable to spendgive quality time to their families and friends which might alienate them. An illustration of this would be, research conducted in the UK suggests that children whose parents are more involved in their life, live a happier and healthier life than children whose parents are absentthen children's without parents or if their parents are unable to give them time.
In conclusion, many people may disagree with me; it appears that both career and familyboth profession and relatives are important parts of an individual's life. Hence, a balance has to be struck in order to be maintained and become successful in both areasin both of these relations.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both perspectives and maintains a generally logical structure, with relevant points about career ambition, financial provision, and family relationships. The family side is less fully developed, and unsupported research claims and frequent grammatical problems reduce the force of the discussion. Give both views equal depth, state your own position more directly, and support it with clearly explained, credible examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both views and gives a balanced opinion, which fits the task. The career side is developed with ambition and family provision, while the family side is relevant but shorter and partly dependent on unsupported research claims.
Give equal depth to both views and make your own opinion more direct in the introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and a logical sequence. Cohesion is sometimes formulaic, and the second career paragraph feels like a separate extra point rather than part of the two-view comparison.
Group career benefits into one paragraph, then use the next paragraph for family and friends, followed by a clear weighing sentence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for career and family topics, but there are repeated words and some inaccurate choices such as thrive to achieve, relatives for family, and relations at the end.
Use more precise vocabulary such as career progression, work-life balance, financial security, family relationships, and social support.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but grammar errors are frequent in complex sentences. Problems include duplicated while, noun forms, subject-verb agreement, and comparison structures.
Revise long sentences for one main structure and check plural nouns such as children, parents, careers, and relationships.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.