If we look back at history it is seen that violence and conflict were evident under male leadership than female leadership. Does this suggest that female leadership is a better option? Would it ensure the peace and better growth in the society? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Based on the historical eventsworld historical events, it can be seen that there was more violence and confrontation under men's leadership compared with women's leadershipmen's leadership compare to the women's. Some people believe that one of the solutions to world peace would be to appoint more women leadersby appointing more women leaders. I personally disagree with the statement as I believe that gender does not affect crime or conflictdoes not affect to crime or conflicts, but these outcomes depend on the leader's personalityit depends on the leader's personality.
Many people think that there are more conflicts and wars under the leadership of men. History hashad shown that due to several male leaders' ambition, some of the bloodiest wars happenedsome of the bloodiest war had happened. One of the examples is Adolf Hitler who had the ambition to conquerconquered Europe. Due to his ideology, more than 10 million people diedthere were more than 10 million people died during World War 2. In another caseAnd in another case, Japan lost many livesJapan had lost so many lives, due to its dictator leader Emperor HirohitoKing Akihito, when Nagasaki and Hiroshima were bombed by the Americanswhereas Nagasaki and Hiroshima had been bombed by the American. Based on these historical events, some people concludesome people have a conclusion that men tendmen have the tendency to use military force in their leadership which would trigger conflicts.
On the other hand, a group of people believe that conflict and confrontation are lower under women's leadership; thereforeunder women's leadership, therefore there should be more women leaders in the world. However, some people disagree with this viewdisagree with it, since there were some women leaders who also havehad shown their strength and power. For example, the former Prime Minister of England, Margaret Thatcher triggeredMargaret Thatcher had triggered the Malvinas war between Argentina and BritainArgentine and England. Many experts think that gender would have less correlation with conflict or violence. They believe that personal ideology, ambition and character are the factors that affect leadership style.
In conclusion, although history had shown that there were more wars and confrontations during male leadershipleaderships, some female leaders also showed their ambition and aggressiveness. I personally believe that the sex of leaders would not have a significant effectwould not have significant effect on their leadership style, but it is their personality that affected their leadership style.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear, consistent view that leadership behaviour depends on character rather than gender, supported by a logical contrast between male and female examples. However, inaccurate or oversimplified historical evidence weakens the argument, and the link to peace and social growth is not always made explicit. Prioritise using reliable examples and explaining directly how each one supports the conclusion about whether female leadership would improve society.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the question with a clear disagreement and explains that leadership style depends more on personality, ideology, and ambition than gender. The argument is relevant and includes examples, but some historical examples are inaccurate or oversimplified, which weakens support.
Keep the clear position, but use more accurate examples and directly answer whether female leadership would ensure peace and growth, not only whether women can also be aggressive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear four-paragraph structure and uses contrast between male and female leadership arguments. Cohesion is generally effective, but some links are mechanical, and several sentences contain too much information or unclear references.
Use clearer topic sentences and connect examples back to the main claim after each example.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is suitable for the topic, including violence, confrontation, ideology, ambition, correlation, and leadership style. Lexical problems include compare to the womens, affect to crime, have a conclusion, and leaderships.
Use accurate collocations: compared with, affect conflict, reach a conclusion, tendency to use force, and male leadership.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a reasonable range of complex clauses, but errors in tense, articles, prepositions, plural nouns, and verb forms are frequent. Most meaning is understandable, but several grammar errors are prominent.
Review past-tense forms, prepositions after affect and compare, and singular/plural noun agreement throughout the essay.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
If we look back at history it is seen that violence and conflict were evident under male leadership than female leadership. Does this suggest that female leadership is a better option? Would it ensure the peace and better growth in the society? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.