In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Sample Response
At present, most elderly people aremost of the elderly population are left under the care of care homeshome-cares due to the fact that the younger family members are too busy with their work and cannot providecould not provide sufficient care and attention for the latterlater. In addition, some of the family members even fail to provide financial support. Hence, the government has no choicehas left no choice but to pay for their care. Some people believe financial responsibility should lie with the familyfinancial responsibility should be given to the family, however, I strongly believe that the government should take greater responsibility. This argument is supported by stating some of the reasons why I agree. First and foremost, there are differences among families' financial capabilitiesvariations in each family's financial capabilities. Some can provide sufficient support for the elderly, while others cannotwhile some fail to do so. This instability is risky, therefore the government, which has sufficient resourceswhich has the sufficient resources could somehow assist them instead. For instance, a family member may have no job when an elderly person needs hospitalisationan elderly needs hospitalisation. In this case, giving the responsibility to the government would be advantageouswill be an advantage. Moreover, most elderly people were productivea majority of the elderly had been productive during their earlier life. Some of them have paid insurance premiumspaid insurances, government fees and taxes. These contributions helpedThese contributions had been helpful in establishing the government. Hence, in return, the government should help them now thathelp them, now that they are now frailthey already are debilitated. For example, as an intake coordinator for insurances, I am aware that in the United States, productive citizens, who work in a company are paying monthly contributions for their Medicare insurances. When the time comes that these citizens became old and sick, the government is mandated to support their needs. In summary, financial support for elderly citizens should be a responsibility for both the family and the government. However, because the government is more stable, itbecause the government is more stable they should take greater responsibility.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in presenting a clear, consistent judgement and supporting it with two relevant reasons concerning unequal family resources and older citizens' prior contributions. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire essay forms one paragraph, while several awkward word choices and grammatical slips reduce polish. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the introduction, main reasons, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs, then edit recurring agreement, article, and tense errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons and examples, though some claims could be examined more precisely.
Explain how government and family contributions would be divided in practice to make the qualified position more fully developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical sequence and uses clear signposting, but the absence of paragraph breaks weakens organisation.
Create distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with one central reason developed in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes less common, but recurring awkward forms such as home-cares and insurances reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as care homes, insurance contributions, and older person, while checking collocations carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, although agreement, article, punctuation, and tense errors recur.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement, article use, and consistent tense, especially in examples about past contributions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.