One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
With advances in medical careWith the advancement of medical care, people are now living longer than ever before. Increased life expectancyThe increased life expectancy comes with its advantages and disadvantages. In this essay, I will outline both the merits and drawbacks of increased longevitymerits and drawbacks of this and argue that the disadvantages of increased life expectancy outweigh the advantages.
One of the advantages of increased life expectancy is that people have more time to pursue their goals and make a positive impact on the world, whether it is through their work, volunteering, or other forms of contribution. Additionally, increased life expectancy can lead to greater economic productivity as older adults continue to work and contribute economicallywork and contribute to the workforce.
However, there are many disadvantages to increased longevityto this phenomenon as well. One of the main disadvantages of living longer is the burden on the economy. As people live longer, more people requirethere is an increase in the number of people who require medical care and social services, which puts a strain on government budgets. The cost of providing healthcare, pension benefits, and other services to an ageing population is considerable, and it can result in reduced funding for other areas such as education, infrastructure, and defence.
Another significant disadvantage of increased life expectancy is the negative impact on the environment. Longer life spans lead to greater consumption of resources and energy, which contribute to environmental problems such as climate change, pollution, and deforestation. As people live longer, they consume more resources, produce more waste, and generate more greenhouse gas emissionscontribute more to greenhouse gas emissions, which can have seriouscatastrophic effects on the planet.
To conclude, while it is undoubtedly beneficial that medical care has improved to the point where people can live longer, the negative consequences of this development are significant. The burden on the economy, the negative impact on the environment, and the social and cultural problems all demonstrate that the disadvantages of increased life expectancy outweigh the advantages.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops the economic and environmental disadvantages in a logical, readable way. Its main limitation is uneven support: the advantages are asserted briefly, while the conclusion introduces social and cultural problems that were not discussed. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen the weaker side with a specific explanation or example and ensure the conclusion summarizes only established ideas.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the comparative question with a consistent position and relevant ideas, although the advantages receive limited development and the conclusion adds an unsupported point.
Develop the advantages with fuller reasoning or a concrete example, and remove any claim from the conclusion that was not discussed in the body.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through a clear paragraph structure, with cohesive devices generally used effectively despite some repetition.
Use more varied referencing and reduce repeated phrases such as increased life expectancy to make connections less conspicuous.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently broad and generally precise vocabulary for economic and environmental effects, with occasional repetition and imprecision.
Replace repeated core terms with precise contextual references and check collocations so that wording remains natural throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is handled with good control, and the few agreement or phrasing errors do not impede communication.
Proofread relative clauses and subject-verb agreement, particularly where the grammatical subject could be ambiguous.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.