Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Sample Response
Gone are the days when schools were only intended only for academic studymeant for study. Now children have a wide variety of additional classes available in schools such as music. Undeniably, some people believe that these activities serve no useful purpose, but I fully disagreedissent with this argument.
The very first reason for this lack of consensus is that these classes are a boonthey are the boon for underprivilegedunprivileged children. Almost everywhere there are children from such sectionssection of society, which cannot afford such activitiespleasures outside school premises due to the associated cost. Take an example of children from lower-income groupswards of lower income demographics in developing nations; they hardly have money to spendshell out for these kinds of programs. Therefore, such facilities will help them pursue their aspirations in music, sports, and similar activitiesmusic, sports etcetera.
Another factor that favours such extra activities is that they help pupils to relax. They already have so much to managecombat in their curriculum in order to stay ahead in this world of cut-throat competition that it will be wrong to take this limited time away from themsnatch this little time from them to study the same subjects, such asfor studying same subjects like computers and science again. It has been proven by research that students perform better if they are allowed to pursue their interests alongside their studiesfollow their passion side by side.
In crux, I would say that devoting time to music, sports and so on in schools cannot be called a sheer waste of timesheer wastage of times since it can help children from low-income familiesthe children of poor citizens to follow their desire to learn something beyond academic subjectsapart from studies. Moreover, they provide considerable reliefthey provide a great relief to all the students from the monotonous academic scheduleschedule of studies.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and supports music education with two relevant, well-organised reasons: access for lower-income children and relief from academic pressure. Its main limitation is lexical precision, as several ambitious expressions sound unnatural and slightly weaken otherwise clear development. Prioritise direct, idiomatic wording and connect the claimed benefits more explicitly to why school time and funding are justified.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and two relevant reasons are developed with examples that address both access and the value of time spent on music.
Make the cost argument explicit by explaining why school-funded provision delivers benefits that justify the expenditure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and conclusion create clear progression, with only occasional vague referencing and formulaic phrasing.
Use precise topic sentences and ensure pronouns such as 'they' refer unmistakably to music classes or students.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range, but strained expressions such as 'fully dissent,' 'wards of lower income demographics,' and 'In crux' reduce naturalness.
Prefer direct alternatives such as 'strongly disagree,' 'children from low-income families,' and 'In conclusion.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, although article, agreement, pronoun, and noun-form errors recur.
Check articles and singular-plural agreement in phrases such as 'a section of society,' 'waste of time,' and references to music classes.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that time and money spent on music classes in schools are not necessary. Instead, children should be learning useful subjects such as science and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and include relevant examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.