The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for the poor in undeveloped countries but also for industrialised and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.
Sample Response
The world population is increasing day by day. Every country wants to have a large populationa resounding number of population. However, this type of rapid increasearranged enhancement can damage the government because the existence of more people means the coexistence of more demanding and complex issues.
This problem concerns all the undeveloped and developed countries across the world. In undeveloped countries, the situation is worse. This is because, in addition to overcrowding,Because in addition to overcrowding the financial budget is not sufficient to aid people and at the same time shortages of food, healthcare, education, sanitation, and other servicesfood, healthcare, education, sanitation and other shortages are incredibly widespread. In these countries, poor people form a large part of societythe poor underlie the society therefore the community cannot help itself.
The condition in industrialised and developing countries is not very differentdoes not differ in great amounts. The financial aidaids of the governments cannot afford a significant part of societysociety's significant part. Moreover, in developed countriesAnd also in developed countries, the rich, unfortunately, are not always generous enough. Consequently, the government cannot manage to provide famine relief and accommodations for all the people who are in need of it. In this case, overpopulation causes the country’s economy into declinethe economics of the country to depression. And that is a thing which no country wantsno countries want it. Unemployment is at its highest rateThe unemployment is in its highest rate and the economic inflation made the lifestyle harder even in developed countries and overpopulation is one of the main reasons for that.
Because of that, some overpopulated countries such as China and India implement some preventive policiesrealise some prevention policies. The government restricts families from having childrenconstraints having children more than an estimated number. InBy this way, the government can impose some punishments for not crossing the limit of having children and can control the increase in the populationincreasing of the population. The regulation of increasing of the population can be a solution to the overpopulation issue.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers a useful range of overpopulation problems and offers a relevant population-control solution, so its central message is clear. However, several ideas are repetitive or unevenly developed, the proposed solution is narrow, and frequent awkward phrasing and sentence fragments interrupt the flow; the highest-priority improvement is to develop a second practical solution with a clear explanation while using complete, accurately linked sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay identifies problems caused by overpopulation, including shortages, pressure on services, unemployment, inflation, and economic strain, and it suggests birth-control policies. The response addresses the task, but development is uneven and the solution is narrow and not evaluated carefully.
Add one more solution, such as education for family planning or investment in public services, and explain how it would reduce the problems described.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a recognisable structure from introduction to problems in poor and richer countries, then solution. However, cohesion is sometimes weak because sentences begin with And or Because, and some paragraphs repeat the same economic point.
Use clearer topic sentences and replace sentence fragments with complete linking sentences.
Lexical Resource
The topic vocabulary is adequate, including food, healthcare, education, sanitation, unemployment, inflation, and prevention policies. Several expressions are inaccurate or unnatural, such as arranged enhancement, underlie the society, and economics of the country to depression.
Use accurate collocations: rapid population growth, limited public budget, social pressure, economic decline, and population-control policy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses some complex structures, but frequent article, plural, preposition, and sentence-fragment errors reduce accuracy. Meaning is mostly clear, but awkward grammar sometimes slows reading.
Check every sentence for a subject and main verb, and avoid starting fragments with because or and also.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population. This is causing problems not only for the poor in undeveloped countries but also for industrialised and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.